RESULTS

My friend took me last weekend to this cutest boutique show. So many cute things but unsure what to buy type thing. Well while there I found a saying that now I wish I had bought because it pretty much sums up my life: "If your dreams don't scare you then they are not big enough" There is so much truth to that. I have been on pins and needles the past 7 weeks. Also with me everything worthwhile that I want to accomplish definitely doesn't come easy. I always have hoops to jump through. Here is the run down of the last 7 weeks:

Orientation Week: I show up with NO voice! Ya try introducing yourself and telling everyone why you want to go down this route. lol

Week 1: Assigned a 7 page paper written in APA format and a 10 min presentation due the next week. Every single night that week I had something going on plus I was working the weekend. On top of that write a paper??? In APA format????? It's been YEARS since I had to write a paper. Missed my race that I had gotten a free entry to :( that Saturday and last minute got someone to cover part of my shift on Saturday. Had one amazing friend help me understand the assignment, pulled an almost all nighter (went to bed at 3 am and was up doing church stuff by 9 am), had another amazing friend critique the paper, and another friend Tuesday help me spice up my presentation.

Week 2: Showed up in a bundle of nerves thinking I might hurl lol and gave it all I had. No response from teacher how things went. But told week 4 I needed to turn in a 13 page paper and give another 10 min presentation. Knowing I was going to be busy with work and church I went home holed up in front of the computer for an entire weekend and hammered out a 13 page paper.

Week 3: Teacher was suppose to sit down one on one and go over first paper. Actually excited for the critique. Want to know what I did good and what I did bad. Doesn't happen. No feedback. Do role play in class. My partner and I did it wrong got some feedback but honestly was still very confused. Mentioned in class I had started my next paper hoping teacher would comment if I was doing it right or not. Not much of a response yes or no. But 3/4's of the class after the teacher dismisses us early "Wow, you already working on 2nd paper you seem to have it together. Where did you find your resources? How did you  do your paper?" Left feeling very dejected wondering if I was doing anything right, on the verge of tears. Carpool friends buoyed me up and reminded me not to give up. Amazing friends listened to my sobs. That week amazing friends reviewed paper a few times and gave feedback. Bestie reviewed the presentation and let me practice in front of her until our eyes were burning with exhaustion. During this time developed major heartburn wondered if I had an ulcer.

Week 4: turned in paper and gave presentation in front of class plus 3 teachers critiquing me. I was nervous. Gave it all I had. Realized I stumbled a few times and lost my train of thought briefly when I realized my time was almost over. Next day with the help of my amazing presidency for church pulled off Young Womens in Excellence. Prayed constantly to God that I would be able to give my talk with not having much time to prepare it.

Week 5: had one on one session with one teacher while the other two teachers critiqued. Tried to show compassion and empathy but not sure if my point was being made. Nodded and smiled a lot and showed I was truly interested. Left with still no feedback. No feedback at all through this whole process. Pulled off a dinner with my awesome youth group and co-workers two days later for opinion leaders of Utah county. Showed the video my youth and intern and one other co-worker had been working on for months. Hosted 17 of the opinion leaders and had a grand total of 62 people there.

Week 6: Showed up today for feedback. With not only one but TWO cold sores on my lip. Never had two before. My lip is on some serious fire!!! Driving there in HORRIBLE traffic I had time to reflect. This past 6 weeks have been insane with this, church, and work. I have had BIG things to do in all areas of my life. But I can honestly say I gave my all and I was able to do it all. It wasn't easy but I showed I was determined to do well. If I was denied well at least I couldn't say I didn't try. If I was to be accepted then I knew I could handle physical and emotional ailments at once and that with amazing support at my side I would be able to make it through. This past 7 weeks I have prayed my guts out pleading for help and not once was a left alone. God was at my side through it all as well. Show up to the room a chair in front of panel of 3 teachers. Gave me some positives gave me some negatives that I was thankful for to learn from then the words............... Congratulations you passed the entrance class and officially accepted into the program!!!!!

Most exciting words all day! I am actually doing this! Thanks so much for all the love and support and for blowing up my phone tonight! Seriously, you made me feel so loved and supported. I honestly feel right now I am on the path that I am suppose to be on. I know the next few years won't be easy. I know I will  have huge assignments at work. I know Church will keep me hopping (which I love) I know I will be up to my eye balls in writing papers in APA format, giving presentations, reading, and group work but I know I will be able to get through it all. I know my body is going to fight me and bring me down but in the end I will have accomplished one of my scariest dreams out there. I will have shown it that I wanted it and gave it my all.

Tonight I am thankful for dreams, for the desire to chase them even though they are scary, for my amazing support network, for my work and church experience to help push me in this direction and giving me the confidence I needed to take a stab in the dark and for promptings that reminded me I am on the path God wants me on right now!

Tonight my heart is overjoyed! :)

FORWARD

Today my friend and I went to price check items for some upcoming activities we want have planned with the youth at our church in December. My friend has this great idea for an amazing dinner so we priced check the numerous types of dishes we would need. Boy did I learn a lot today and so excited to learn more in a few weeks. After we price checked all that we headed over to Costco to price check this delicious meal she thought up as well. Man is it going to be good. I was just enjoying my afternoon chatting with her and learning more about her and having a great time.

After we were done she says, "I love Costco food you want to grab something to eat?" I thought what a great idea. We went up to order and she so sweetly says "I'm totally paying for yours." Then the cashier tells her check or cash only. She realizes her cash isn't in her purse so I go to grab mine and a total stranger next to us says, "She can't find her cash? Totally put their bill on my tab." I was like you really don't need to do that and she looks me in the eye and says "yes I do, I need to do a good deed today."

I have been thinking about that for the rest of the night. I am so thankful for sweet people like that and I thought what if we all had the attitude of needing to do a good deed today. Maybe it's as small as showing our love to a child or a family member. Maybe its offering just a smile to someone. Maybe its showing gratitude or maybe its even paying for someone else's lunch.

I often hear the phrase of paying it forward but it seriously has a domino affect if you allow it. I really wanted to go out and serve another person today. I wanted to give back what was given to me. Sure I gave someone extra items when they asked me for resources to help them quit and I freely gave the sister missionaries a ride but I feel it wasn't my act of paying it forward because I felt the things I did today was every day things you should do. But maybe it was just my kind gesture that was sufficient.

Bottom line though, paying it forward should not be just a sought out specific item but something that is ingrained in our soul that makes us want to be a better person. Something that enables us to say without a second thought oh let me pick up the tab or let me do whatever it is that we feel we can do to help another person in need.

I am grateful for the kindness that was shared with me today and hope I can strive to be that type of person every day.

Fast Lane

I knew deep down in inside that I shouldn't have committed myself to writing my thankfuls every day on the blog. I can never get to the blog daily. Life is just so crazy and the last couple of weeks were no different. Which is probably why I am feeling blah today. Usually when I am super exhausted is when I notice the not so "ideals" of my life. For the most part I am super happy with life but then there comes a day when it all comes crashing down on me and today was my day. Plain and simple today I was feeling lonely. It's that loneliness that no friend can fill. I know some day that will all be in the past and someone will be here. I have been reassured multiple times and I have been told that it will all happen in God's timing and I get it, I really do. And yes, I even believe it. I know it will happen but on days I am so tired of all I do in life I see couples helping each other through the hard times and buoying each other up and I realize how hard it is at times and then its in those moments I feel lonely. Lonely and an ache that I am super good at suppressing comes to the surface and I have learned I just have to let the emotions roll with the tide that day. It does no good in masking them and usually its quiet moments of tears. Today was tears at church, then it was tears walking home from church both times I was there today, and then it was tears while I cooked myself dinner. But just as the emotions come they quickly go as well which I am ever so grateful for. I don't like when people dwell on their woes and I try really hard not to. It's like the tears swept the emotions away and now I am ready to let sleep take me away so I can be refreshed tomorrow with a bright outlook on life once again. Because honestly I have so much to be thankful for which is what I plan to sum up briefly since I have been slacking. I did the things on the list I was given but didn't record them. Here is my thankfulness from the last two weeks:

DAY 11: I was encouraged to send thank you notes to 5 people who deserve a little recognition. Well, this was done on a different day and it wasn't done in notes form but I am truly grateful for the presidency I get to work with at church. They really go out of their way to shine at their callings and for the young women we oversee. I have told them a few times this month how much I appreciate them individually and I hope they really know I mean it. I have also told some co-workers how grateful I am for them. They have been my right-hand through some recent projects along with our interns. I don't survive without them. :)

DAY 12: Enjoy the people around you! I watched my neighbor get our meals ready for the day. I know at times she feels stressed but she always sees that our needs are met. I watched each class member that night give their presentation and as I watched each of them I was able to compare from previous presentations. I saw some improvements in some from the other time and I was so proud of them. I saw others shine just as well that night as they did before. I saw how each of them have a true desire to help others and in that moment I felt so lucky to know each of them. I appreciated the comfort and cheers and reassurance I received as I presented as well.

DAY 13: Focus on one sense! Today I focused on what I could see. Today I was grateful for my sight. Through that I was able to see the young woman try their best to show their talents. I was able to see the young women leaders bear testimony of their love for them. I was able to see the leaders put together an evening that demonstrated their love by the way they decorated the room and displayed the desserts. They really wanted the night to be special. I was also grateful I could see the boys in my class as they struggle through life and cling to smoking as their only hope of survival. I was grateful to see a couple of them think a little more about the choices they are making.

DAY 14: See the world through the eyes of a child. Today was a long day as I prepped for next weeks event and I had tobacco checks in Provo that took a long time. But as I thought how a child would I was grateful for everything. I was grateful for people who actually RSVP. I didn't realize how important it was until I was crunching numbers. I was thankful for a boss who took a moment to listen to my concern and help me crunch numbers as well. I was grateful for an intern who was willing to keep up with the million assignments we both had to do before next week. I was grateful for a teenager who was willing to work and an officer who was willing to take on a big city alone even though it made our checks longer. I was grateful for small talk during the long ride that made it not so long. I was grateful that even though I wanted to sleep that I was given strength to keep going to accomplish all that I needed to. I was grateful for a friend who let me come over and helped me with my project for next week and that I was able to literally see the world through her children's eyes. They were so excited I was there and loved seeing themselves in my video camera and laughing. It really is the little things in life. I was grateful for conversation. I know I talk a lot but not always is it having just a conversation about life and in the important it was just what I needed.

DAY 15: Make an effort to live life with a positive outlook. This is something I try to do regularly but today I tried even harder. I appreciated people even more for helping me with my project I was working on. I willingly took food to a person in need for my neighbor who didn't have time. I appreciated the moment to meet someone new and to talk with them briefly.

DAY 16: Pick 3 friends you see regularly and view their actions. Today was a perfect day for this challenge because I got to see my co-workers outside of work because one of our other co-workers was baptized into the religion majority of us attend. As I watched them I was grateful for each one of them in my life because even if some of them don't practice this particular religion they are all good good people with good hearts. They teach me to look for the positives in life and to keep my chin up. They try to help others around the office, offer support within and outside of work. I am blessed to know great people.

DAY 17: The challenge has changed may perspective thus far because it has reminded to go back to the basics of my happiness challenge this past year. Be grateful for the small and simple things in life. It has taught me I need to remember that little things are what bring joy. It has reminded me to follow the positive examples of others and that will help me be a better person.

DAY 18: Appreciate yourself. This is always hard but today I appreciated myself for wanting to try new projects and to learn how to make new things. I appreciated myself for following the example of my parents in being a hard worker. I appreciated myself for wanting to be an active listener and wanting to help others.

DAY 19: Stand in the mirror and focus on five things that you love about yourself. SO HARD. But I did it. In the end I realized that I like my blue eyes, I like my smile, I like that I have been teaching myself to laugh more, I like that my hair holds a curl, and I like that God gives me strength to get up every morning to start the day with a fresh start.

DAY 20: Today I feel grateful for others who believe in me and tell me so. I tend to doubt myself A LOT. But there are others who see things in me that I struggle to see in myself. I am grateful for those who believed in my movie project and pushed me to keep working on it. I am grateful for those who saw it actually liked what I did and supported it. I am grateful for the confidence I was given last night when I was so nervous. My new friends as I call them encouraged me all the way to the door and were waiting for me with the same encouragement when I left my terrifying interview. I know I need to have the same confidence in myself that others see in me.

DAY 21: What makes me lovable??? Seriously focusing on myself this week while trying to accomplish huge assignments has been interesting. I think I am lovable because I truly care about people and when others lash their anger out at me I take it personal. That happened to me this morning and I tried to not let it affect my whole day. I have an interest in others lives and I want to hear their stories. I am open to their ideas and willing to teach them. I had 8 teenagers at my house last night to learn how to make muffins. Even though they were loud and crazy there were some who really wanted to learn and it was great. I appreciate myself for not giving up and not giving up on others who I know have a potential for greatness.

DAY 22: Have confidence in all the choices you have made today. Actually today I just want to sleep. But as I cleaned up from last nights event I had to have confidence that I did the best I could last night and that I tried my best. I had confidence that the projects I was working on today will sell next weekend and I can be a little more financially prepared for future items I will need to buy such as computer etc etc. I have confidence that the emails I sent out today with my job will result in positives returns that will only help my youth grow into the confident people they have the potential of becoming.

DAY 23: Thank you note to myself. I am thankful that I took this challenge and I am thankful I took a moment to look more closely at myself even though it was painful at times. I am thankful I have been given moments to realize the importance in having confidence in myself  and to always look for the positives in life. I am thankful that I have amazing examples in my life to learn from and to pattern my life after as I attempt to be a better person daily.

DAY 24: Reflect on what the challenge has done for you. Well, it has made me realize that life really isn't that bad and even though I had a hard moment today it doesn't mean that every day is like today. The challenge has helped me to appreciate others more and to realize they are trying just as hard. It has helped me see the importance of giving confidence to others and to once again appreciate the little things. It has helped me see how things such as my bed or tuna fish sandwiches can help me be grateful for so much. It has helped me to see that as I focus on my gratitude list that my sadness will eventually go away again and that like I learned in church today I can be grateful for the sad moments, the hard moments, because through them I can come to appreciate the good moments even more and look forward to happy moments that will replace the sad moments we experience in life :)

Tuna What?????

My next work suggestion for our grateful log is to share a picture of something I am thankful for. So here it is:

You are thinking what????? You are grateful for that???? Well yes but it means more than you are thinking lol

First, Yes I am grateful for tuna! I am grateful I have the ability and the know how to make myself food. It has been a long time since I have had a tuna melt and it sounded delish in the moment.

But I am much more grateful than that. I am grateful for all the many Sundays my mom would slave all day in the kitchen to make Sunday dinner. Sunday dinner at my parent's house was a big deal. I remember moving here to Utah and this guy told me he went to his grandma's house for dinner and they had sandwiches and I was like what?????? sandwiches for Sunday dinner????? I was surprised because that is so not how it was at the Simons house. My mom always made a nice dinner. We raised our own meat and I am from Idaho so we had meat and taters a lot but it was all so delish! She also made chicken and broccoli casserole, this amazing spaghetti sauce that would simmer for hours and always turn out just right, we would have meatloaf or ham or turkey. You get the point but I could go on for hours. Basically my mom is one freaking amazing cook and if you have had her food you would totally agree with this! That woman can cook!!!

And there are many Sundays that I miss it! I miss gathering around the dinner table when we all still lived there and have dinner, laugh still our sides hurt (thanks to the older bro) and then usually end the night with a game of hand and foot. I am grateful that my mom used food and especially Sunday dinner to bring us closer together over the years. No matter how the week went Sunday brought us together again. Many times if my dad wasn't laughing he was just shaking his head trying not to laugh and my mom would end the night saying "Ahh good hell, why do I bother?????" lol and then that would send us laughing even harder.

I am grateful she has taught me to love and appreciate Sunday dinners and it is one tradition I will continue with a family of my own some day. We might need rest of my family there to bring in the traditions but just the same one day I will attempt to make as amazing of food as her! I am grateful that Sunday dinners has brought me to realize the true meaning of being a family and sticking by each other.

For now its tuna melt and it may not look the best but in the moment it has increased my gratitude!

Yo bro, it's all about you!!!!

Today I was suppose to call someone I haven't talked to in awhile and tell them how grateful I am for them. Well, that ended up being easy for me today. I woke up and lets just say that I am so thankful this day is ending. It was a rough day and lets just say I felt like nothing was going right and I was feeling very taken advantage of today. It was one of those moments where I feel as if I constantly give but rarely is that same feeling given back to me.

So I called up my older brother because he always listens and truly cares. I totally unloaded all my woes on him and he just listened. Gave me some sympathetic feedback and encouraged me to go on. This is why I appreciate him. He never judges me but always sees the good where I slack. He is constantly checking up on me to make sure I am okay and to see how my life is. He is truly interested in my life. He is the kind of guy who makes commitments and keeps them. He is a hard worker and truly dedicates himself to his job.

He loves his children and does his best to show them that. He strives daily to be a better father even though he sees his kids every other weekend. He wants to see that they are always taken care of. I appreciate him because he usually finds humor in life and has the most contagious laugh. He brings the laughter into our family and makes trips home so much more enjoyable. He is sympathetic when I need a shoulder to cry on and a supporter when I feel I can't do something alone.

Everyone should have an older brother like me. He was meant to come first in our family and he truly holds us together. All his brothers look up to him and he is talked about in every conversation. He has friendships with each of his siblings and treats each one of us with kindness and respect.

I am so grateful I called him today since it had been awhile and even though it was due to the fact I needed a boost from his strength and compassion it also gave me the chance to tell him why I appreciate him. Thanks Scott for living up to the role of the older brother and being all that an older brother should be.

5 minute timer

Yesterday I was suppose to take 5 minutes and write everything I was grateful for that is in my life currently. It was in attempts to appreciate what I have now and not what I wish for. I started to do this and the computer decided to go all wack-o on me and I had to stop. It is funny though as I started to do this last night and as I am doing it now. I feel the things I named in my A to Z post are what I am currently grateful for. Usually when I ackowledge my blessings it is what I have currently. But I am going to give this a shot.

Currently I have a job and I am grateful for that when so many people don't have one. I am grateful for my car. Yes it is falling apart and yes it feels as if all the bolts and nuts are going to fall out of it but it gets me where I need to go and I can get so much more done with it then if I had to walk everywhere therefore I am grateful for my car. I am grateful I was able to take a HOT shower/bath tonight for a long time and relax. I am grateful for where I live. This includes the lil'townhome I am in and for the fact that I live in America and partly for Utah. My family teases me a lot for living in Utah but this place has pushed me in so many directions in the past 6 years that I have grow immensely. I am grateful for religion and what I am able to come to know for myself to be true. I am grateful for scriptures, for a testimony, for the chance to pray and pray often through out the day, and to study about topics that help me be a better person.

I talk a lot about friends these days but I am truly grateful for them. I am grateful that they listen and give me pep talks when I need it most. Twice this week I was given the encouragement I needed from people in my that literally pushed me to keep going. I am grateful for the opportunity to work with teens for work and church. It brings me joy and keeps me smiling. It is also providing me the resources to write my recent paper and to create my most recent presentation. I am grateful for food and that it is not hard to find nourishment. I am grateful for water. I am grateful I get to crawl into my comfy bed soon. I am grateful for technology to accomplish all that I need to especially lately and that technology allows me to keep up with people.

I am grateful for the little things like blue skies and sunshine and crunchy leaves. I am grateful for babies laughter. I am grateful for life in general even with the hard moments. Life's lessons shape me daily and gives me the insight to be a better person.

I love life!!!!

BRING ON THE FIGHT!

 Today I was encouraged write about the “negative” things in my life that I am grateful for,

Hmmm…….. Sometimes these assignments can be harder but at the same time I am grateful for them because it gives me the chance to really think about things.

The negative thing I am grateful for are the challenges in my life. Sometimes I look at people and jealous at how well life falls into place for them. There are also those people who demand they get something and won’t stop until they get it, even if it inconveniences others. But for me life has never been that way.

I have had to work hard for everything I have ever gotten. I’ve never demanded and had exactly what I want. I work hard and steady for everything.

The harder it is though I have come to realize the more meaningful and precious it is. I am grateful I have been taught to work hard for myself and that I have been taught not to expect the things I want to come because I say so. I know with time what is meant to be will be.

The challenges in my life have taught me growth, have taught me patience, and above all have taught me to believe in myself and my abilities. My challenges have taught me to be more respectful of others and their time and their abilities.

Who would have thought negatives can be positives but they can be! Negative can push you to higher heights and stronger abilities if you allow it.

Some of my hardest challenges have shaped me into the person I am today. Into a person I am becoming proud of. A person who recognizes the blessings in life and the simple joys in the world.

I’m not where I want to be but my challenges are helping me to be there. If you want anything good bad enough in your life then you will jump the hurdles to achieve the greatness you deserve.

Thank you “negatives” in my life for giving me something to overcome and fight for!

A World Full of ME'S???????

Today I am suppose to think of one thing I am truly grateful for. There are SO many things that for me it is really hard to pinpoint just one. But as I have pondered this all day I have decided after all my interactions that today I am most grateful for difference. Think about it! How would life be if there was no difference and we were all the same. How could we grow from dealing with a different personality if we never had to? How would we able to gain a different perspective? How would we learn tolerance? How would we learn love? How would we learn compassion and patience? Today I interacted with so many different people and each one taught me something. I had to learn patience from someone and evaluate my reactions and why I was acting that way towards them. From another I learned compassion. From another I learned acceptance. From other people I learned the value of unity. I learned the lesson of being tolerant of others thoughts and mindsets. I learned the value of voice and was reminded of the importance of varying opinions and ideas and that they can come together in unity if you are willing to accept difference and learn from it. I am glad that no one is like me because what would a world of me's be like? This difference gives me the greatest opportunity to learn from others so I can try to perfect me little by little each day. I know I'm not perfect and never will be but thanks to different people from the good or the bad they do I learn how to be a better me! Thank you for difference! Thank you for not being a world of me's but a world of where I can grow and learn and change from meeting all of you!

A to Z and everything in between

My work challenged me write what I am grateful for from A to Z so here goes:

A – All the “Ash’s” in my life.

B – baseball (I have fun memories with family and baseball games in the summer), books, brothers (I got some awesome ones)

C –COKE (duh) Chocolate (double duh) lol & Country Boys, Co-Workers, Chocolate Chip Cookies (Best cookies ever)

D – dogs (I miss my li’ dog), Drop Dead Diva (some days it’s the laugh I need)

E – Everything J

F – Family, Friends ( seriously have the best ones), Food

G – Gardens (I love fresh veggies)

H – Happiness Project (It has given me a new perspective on life)

I – ICE CREAM (hands down one of the best creations)

J – Jackets, Job

K – Kindness (love when I see and hear kind things in the world)

L – Laughter (it’s the best medicine)

M – Money, Movies (have you seen my collection?????), Music , Mountains

N – Nieces and Nephews (cause I got the cutest ones, even the adopted ones)

O – Outdoors, Olives (c’mon who doesn’t love to put them on your fingers before eating), Oxygen (gotta love breathing)

P – Parents (seriously, they have supported me so much), Piano

Q – Quilts (my parents and adopted grandma made me a quilt I will cherish forever)

R – Running (yes I run slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter… but I run)

S – Summer, Sunshine, Swimming, sister-in-laws (it’s an awesome way to gain sisters), Snow-Shoeing

T – Text Messages that make me smile and laugh

U – Utah (I know, I know but seriously I have grown SO much living here)

V – Valentine ConversationCandy Hearts (best holiday candy eva’ but they have to be the soft ones)

W – Watermelon, Water (to drink and to play in)

X – X-rays (they told the tale of my retarded feet)

Y – Young Womens (hanging out with teens and talking about spiritual things is a pretty cool experience and I have awesome Young Women Leaders to help me)

Z – Zumba (I can make a fool of myself in my house with no one seeing and pretend in my next life I can really dance like a latina)

That was actually kind of fun to write! Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing!

Oh so comfy!!!!

Yesterday I told my friend I need to write my gratitude thought of the day but I am SO exhausted. She said just go to bed and tomorrow write how you were so grateful for your bed. And this is exactly what I am doing. J

When I was younger I was one of those people who hated to take naps. I think I drove my mom crazy over it. I was always on the go from the very beginning. I am still on the go but now I wish I could sleep more. So when I get to sleep it’s pretty much AMAZING!

So why am I grateful for my bed?

#1 I have the most comfy down comforter. (I like to be warm and cozy)

#2 I have a memory foam type thing on top of my mattress. (It’s the cheaper version that my mom gave me when she bought the real one but I don’t care because it is so comfy)

#3 It is big enough I can sleep with my body pillow. Body pillows are just great!

There just so many reasons why I love my bed but I won’t bore you all with them. When I do get to sleep and in my comfy bed it feels just like heaven!

YAY for sleep!!!!!

I got a feeling.....

Do you have a song in your head now? I definitely thought of a song after I wrote the title. haha So what does that mean exactly? Well, it's day 3 and I went to church today and I had a great feeling inside of me and I know it was the Spirit touching my soul. So today I am grateful for the Spirit in my life. I know this might be to churchy for some but I just gotta acknowledge it.

This come and go nausea and off and on throwing up since Wednesday is kinda putting a bit of a damper on my mood if you know what I mean. I am getting so irritated with myself because I am tired of feeling crappy and its affecting my sleep. So I went to church today and prayed to know that my prayers were not in vain and that I could feel happy despite feeling crappy.

I received a warm feeling that lasted through the rest of the day. The feeling I felt prompted me to stand up and acknowledge what I am grateful for. It prompted me to heed some counsel that was given at the end of the meeting and even tho I don't know how the results will be I am grateful I embraced it. I felt prompted to express to another person how God shows his love to them even though they are struggling to see it for themselves. The continuing good feeling got me out of the house even though I wanted to crawl under a blanket and to visit some people I needed to see tonight and the good feeling kept me going on writing my paper tonight.

It has prompted me with the knowledge that I need to handle a situation that has been weighing me down and I feel I have some ways of handling it better.

I am grateful for a knowledge I have that I can be led and guided in all my choices. The promptings in my life help me see that I am not alone and when I heed them more blessings and happiness envelopes my life.



MOVE IT! MOVE IT!

Today I am grateful for exercise! I have come to appreciate it more and more the older I am getting. When I was younger I could got about my busy life because I had such a high metabolism. Then I decided to serve a LDS mission to Brasil where they feed you the most delicious food ever and lets just say the pounds came on!

Over the years I have not been able to loose the weight with my busy life schedule and so exercise has never been a consistent thing in my life. I would get good at it then another crazy job or assignment at a particular job would consume my life and exercising would take a back burner.

The past few years I have tired to exercise more in my life and even though the weight coming off is slow other things much more important have come into play. I tend to have more energy, I am happier, and my overall outlook is better.

To prove my point I worked out this morning and even though I feel as if I have been hit by a freight train right now and my nausea has returned, earlier today I was feeling great. I was over all in a general happy mood, I got most of my laundry done, and I wrote majority of my paper. The thoughts just flowed. I wanted to finish it tonight but sadly with how I feel right now I just want to go to bed. But besides the yucky feeling I feel right now I LOVED the other feeling I felt this morning.

I know I don't have the most perfect body and I know I stress over my flaws more then I should and as silly as it is I do sometimes wonder if anyone will love me with my flaws since they don't seem to want to disappear but I am learning to love myself for me and to recognize that is what matters most.

Exercise has provided that motivation to accept me for me and to remember that even though I have flaws I am working on them and even if I will never loose all the excess weight I need to I am actually out there moving my body and eating healthy. That is what truly matters and that perspective is what I am most grateful for!

I have tried different types of exercising and have come to have an appreciation for most types. I enjoy Zumba and attempting to run lol and lately I have been focusing more on strength training and have enjoyed it a lot. I love coming through a finish line no matter how slow I ran. It is just a great personal satisfaction to know I made it through another finish line :)

I hope to always move my body and to always stay active! I hope to always have the amazing feelings I feel when I work out. So if you read this, go out and find your own appreciation for exercising if you haven't because I guarantee what ever you find enjoyable you will not regret doing. If you have already found your appreciation for exercising keep at it because more than likely you have been my inspiration to get out there and put one foot in front of the other. :)

KINDRED SPIRITS

As Day 1 of the publicly announcing what you are grateful for comes to an end, I contemplated if I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. I have a few different times in various ways but decided why not again and incorporate my blog! :) This also will help me accomplish the 21 days of gratitude we are doing at work. I have noticed this past year especially with my happiness project that the more often I say out loud or write down what I am thankful for it reminds me of the positives in life. This also helps me from falling into the trap of "Negative Nancy" We all know those people and this past year I have tried really hard to limit my interactions with them so I am not surrounded by all their complaints and I have tried extra hard not to be one. I will admit I have my hard moments and I slip into the trap but I am trying hard not to be that person cause lets just be plain honest THEY ARE EXHAUSTING!

Ok, so enough about the negatives this is suppose to be what I am grateful for! So today I feel I need mention how grateful I am for friends. Not saying its my #1 because I am talking about them on day one but just feel they need a particular special shout out today.

In the past I have had people claim to be my friend and I am sure many of you have as well. But just claiming to be one's friend only goes so far. Even some claim to be your best friend but within time sorta dump you along the road for no particular reason.

Then there are the people who claim to be your friend and mean every bit of the claim and those are the people I am most grateful for today!

Being able to call my bestie after an awkward and uncomfortable encounter at work and have her just listen as I spoke of the encounter and my struggle with it. To have her husband get on the line to tell me a Chuck Norris quote and send me laughing! Both just what I needed.

Being able to lay on my friend's couch and watch a movie because we were both sick and she gave me medicine and Gatorade.

I am grateful for all the friends who continuously send me support messages during my crazy adventures. Who help me figure out what I am doing and make sense of it so I don't fall flat on my face.

Grateful for the friends who feed me delicious food and checking up on me to see that I am doing okay.

Grateful for the friends who invite me to things even after I have to say No because of work. (Keep inviting because one of these days I promise I will be able to say YES)

Grateful for friends who even though we don't see each other often still keep in contact with me through facebook.

Grateful for those friends who are always posting positive things and helping me to see the positives.

Grateful for the friends who make me laugh and know just what to do to put a smile on my face.

Grateful for friends who help me see outside the norm and appreciate different perspectives of life.

Grateful for those friends who never stop being a friend even tho life gets busy! That means so much knowing that no matter what you have a friend in them.

Lastly grateful for you friends who have accepted me for me. Who have realized I am not perfect and I have my faults but you are willing to look past them and help me look past them and still be there at my side.

There was periods of times in my life when I felt as if I never had a true friend. Then there were periods of life when I felt like I only had one or two true friends. But today I have thought about how many "true friends" I have right now and my heart swells with gratitude for each of you.

Thank you true friends for coming into my life and impacting it for the better! I am a better person because of your influences. I hope I can strive to be as good a friend to you as you are to me!

SEASON OF CHANGE

SEASON OF CHANGE

With the changes of the weather and the leaves it has gotten me thinking about all the changes we go through in our lives. The weather is getting colder and even though right now I am not happy about it soon I will embrace the change and be excited for Christmas. Then I will be excited and ready for the days of Spring and Summer again. Just the same with life, sometimes I am not happy about changes but with time I will grow to appreciate the change that has happened.

Change has definitely not stopped in my life and I am finally ready to write about it because I think I can finally embrace it and it move forward with renewed positive outlook about life.

One change that came in my life the last few months came when a guy I had been flirting with for a few months finally asked me where I see myself with him and his children (who were adorable) long term. Now let’s ponder this question for a minute. How often does this question present itself to Sarah? Um, NEVER!!! I really liked the guy and I could see myself with him long term so needless to say I was ecstatic over this question. Well, two days later while sitting alone in a hotel room in Montana for work he text and said “Just Kidding about all I said, I am going back to my girlfriend I had even though she doesn’t know if she loves me and doesn’t know if she loves my children” A week later when I returned from Montana we talked and he said even though I was amazing in every sense of the word he feels he is committed to her and he will have to do his best to forget about me and that I exist. He has done just that since that day. The kicker to this story is that we work in the same building together. People kept telling me to get over him and he was not worth it. I am to that point that I am able to move forward which is why I think I am writing my feelings now but man it has been hard knowing I work with someone who is purposely going out of their way to ignore me. I have to walk down the hall every day, walk into his office area every day for one thing or another work related and knowing he is purposely sitting there ignoring me. Talk about a constant salt to the wound. But just as seasons change and move forward so do situations and that is what I am doing moving forward.

I thought having a guy deny there was ever anything between us and then keep trying to come back into my life was hard but having someone you actually like tell you they had the same feelings you had then drop you like a sack of manure was a different kind of hurt that definitely took some time to jump back from. But life always moves forward and doesn’t stop just like the seasons and I am moving forward as well. The smile and determination to find the positives in life has returned and I know I am being watched over and that there are good things happening in my life.

One change that has come into my life is finally taking the plunge to really explore continuing my education. I have pondered this thought for a while and decided now is the time to see if it is really for me. I am registered for the Masters of School Counseling degree and even now as I write I get goose bumps thinking of this change. On Tuesday I will start a 6 week class and at the end it will determine if I can continue or not. I went to orientation this past week and even though I had no voice due to a recent sickness the feelings of being overwhelmed sunk in deep. But at the same time I am really excited for this change. The next 6 weeks will definitely be life alternating as I learn to be a student again and write papers and give presentations but I am ready to give it my all to see if I really have what it takes to be a school counselor. I am thankful for the prayers that have already been sent my way and pray for continual prayers as I work my tail off the next 6 weeks and then hopefully the next 2 ½ years if they accept me to go further into the program. They said this week only 75% of the class actually passes this 6 week class! YIKES!!!!!!

Since I can’t seem to just handle one change in my life and usually have multiple going on at once in my life, I have yet another change as well. I feel that is the same with the seasons especially since the weather doesn’t know yet if it is fall or winter. As some people know I am prepping to run a marathon in August. If any of you really follow me you know I am not a runner naturally and this is a challenge as well. Thanks for the well wishes I have received thus far in my journey. I know it won’t be easy but I am thankful for the challenge to get out there and give it all I got. I know going through the finish line will be an emotion I won’t be able to explain. I know there will be tears and pain and joy and exhaustion and excitement. But just the same I am looking forward to this.

2014 will definitely be a year of changes if I get to continue in my education and prepare for my marathon and who knows what else that is thrown in my way along with fulfilling my church calling and working  full time. I know some of these changes haven’t been easy and I know the future changes won’t be easy as well but just the same I know there is a reason for all things and I am excited to look forward to the future with a positive outlook and determination to succeed.
Each season comes with a determination to make itself known. Fall is determined to show its crisp air and changing of colors. Winter will be just as determined to come with its fierce wind and beautiful snowflakes. Then spring will return with its flowers doing its best to show through and then summer will come with its beautiful blue skies and lovely warm weather.

In our lives we need to be just as determined to live with and through whatever is thrown our way. Some changes come not from choices of our own and some changes do come from our choices as I have seen lately. But I have learned our attitude really does determine how the outcome will move forward. I am looking forward to continue to move past the sadness and hurt that has come into my life and I look forward to the new changes in my life as well.

Every day as I wake up and look outside I see continual changes in the air and as I look in the mirror I see continual changes in my life. Embrace the changes because they come whether we are prepared or not. Go forward with a positive attitude and look forward to how the seasons of our lives can change us for the better! J

The Route

Four years ago my work decided to hold their first annual 5K. I thought hmmm 5K, sounds interesting and if I participate I get my quarterly health and wellness money. So, I sign up without much prep and arrive for my first ever 5K. I started running and of course not knowing anything I pushed myself way to hard in the beginning and I thought the route was going to kill me.

The second year I did a little bit better but I had in my mind that the hill we went up was HUGE!!!! And therefore I didn't care much for the route again as I walked/run and wondered why in heaven's name do people enjoy running! lol The third year I was busy tackling the Tetons with the bros and missed out on the annual race.



This morning was the 4th annual race and ALL summer I kept telling my friend who was going to run it with me that this route is horrible and that there is this crazy HUGE hill and it hurts and it sucks and I hope now that I have been running more that I can actually make it to the top.

Yesterday was a hard day! HARD. DAY. And no need for details but with that hard day came tears. Multiple times thought out the day the tears flowed. SO. MANY. TEARS. With that came the most horrific headache and upset stomach!

I awoke and arrived at 6:30 this morning to help set up for the race and was still feeling horrible. And I thought and I have to run that blasted hill this morning as well. My summer side kick running support showed up for the race and off we went. It wasn't even mile 1 and I thought I was going to puke! She kept pushing me along! "You can do it Sarah!" " It's still flat, we got this" and we continued on.

The spot where the hill was, was coming up and I was dreading it with every fiber of my being! And then it came into view and some how the gigantic hill became........ a steady climb! Was it easy? Heck No! Was it possible? Heck Yes!

You see I had mentally pictured this route to be the hardest route out there based on the one experience I had. Because I had the one bad experience I had my mind set up that it was always going to be bad and nothing else. I just knew that I would never be able to conquer that hill.

Such is the same with life. We have one bad experience and we settle in thinking I don't deserve any more than what is given to me. We allow ourselves to justify attitudes and behaviors and let ourselves think this is all we deserve. SO NOT TRUE!!!! The more we put these mental blocks in our heads the less of a chance we have to progress and to truly see what true joy, true happiness, and true triumph can be. We must endure pain to experience true happiness and we can have that true happiness if we put enough faith in allowing it to happen.

I made it up the hill this morning and as I did the above thoughts flowed through my mind and the pains started to become less noticeable and I obtained enough momentum and desire to keep going to the end. Again much is true with life. We need to gain that confidence in ourselves that we can achieve whatever thing we want in life if we allow ourselves to have confidence and faith that it can happen. We need to have the confidence in ourselves to believe that we can have the best out there and not need to settle for what is readily at our fingertips for fear and the mental mind set that we are not worthy of anything better in our lives.

We need to remember we have the power within to make the necessary changes in our lives to create the up most happiness and triumphs in our lives. I know it sounds cheesy but its the absolute truth. I allowed myself to think I would never get over a gigantic hill that was in reality a steady climb and with enough practice over the years I was able to accomplish it.

The more we put one foot in front of the other, believe we don't have to settle, and recognize our own worth and ability then opportunities open up beyond measure and that  those mental blocks disappear.

MOVING!!!!

My sweet lil' Sis is leaving for her mission next week. She flies out to Brasil on Tuesday. It seemed when she got her call that the end of July was SO far away and now before we know it the time has come and in just a few short days she will leave on a jet plane.

I remember when her brother came home from his mission a few months ago and a few of us exclaimed "Wow, that was fast! Time has sure flown" "Did two years really pass us by?" After those comments I thought about how quickly time flies and I wondered What have I done in the last two years?

In those two years he was gone I:

1. Moved again (surprise surprise) haha and this time back to Orem. Not to far from where I started my Utah journey 6 years ago. I have practically done a full circle but I think I am content for a minute. This place feels more like a home than all of the other places. I live closer to my dearest and longest friend I have had since moving to Utah and I couldn't ask for better neighbors. We have become such good friends and they take such good care of me and they feed me lol :)

2. I switched jobs. I went from one area at the Health Department that I had become very comfortable with to another department. It has been quite the change. Very challenging job yet I have learned a lot and I have come to love what I do.

3. Switched wards in my LDS church. Some people think no biggie and usually its not but this time not only did I switch wards but I moved into a ward that is primarily married people. Before I attended church with people who were single like myself. This has been quite the change but I have been blessed to have met some great people who continue to make me feel welcome in a potentially awkward situation.

4. I hiked over a crazy mountain terrain, I ran the dirtiest run ever, and many other races as well.

5. With my new job I finally became certified in what I do after all these years. That is actually a big deal and really needed in my profession.

6. I received a calling at church that I never imagined I would receive ever. It has been challenging as well but I have come to love what I do and who I associate with. I learn from these sweet individuals daily.

7. I opened myself up 4 different times for potential relationships. None of them went anywhere and that's ok. But what I liked about this realization is that I reminded myself I am trying and I am putting myself out there. There are times I get down on myself and know I need to do more in meeting people. Even though I know I need to try harder I am proud of myself that in 2 years I had 4 potential relationships. It's better than the rate I thought I was going.

8. I welcomed another adorable lil nephew into my family and I became an adopted auntie to a few more cute lil babes.

I am sure there are more significant changes in my life but I guess the point I am making is that life doesn't sit still. It continues to move and we have the opportunity to move with it or be stagnant. I have met so many people who just choose to live life vicariously and not make take the opportunity to change and grow and become better.

She will be gone for a year and half and I think wow, that is going to be a long time! But, really is it? There is so much that could happen in a year and a half if I allow myself to be moved and to grow and to be challenged and molded. I already know there will be some significant changes coming up in my near future and I am SO excited to see where this path will take me.

Time flies and we need to take advantage of every moment we have available. I have changed so much in the last two years due to changes in my life and I am so very grateful for these changes. I am so grateful that I haven't chosen to live stagnant and that I have been molded and taught so many valuable lessons.

I know the future hold so much more for me as well. Maybe I'll move literally (but no plans of it yet), maybe I will run further than I have ever run yet, maybe I will welcome some more cute babes that I can spoil, and maybe a future relationship will turn into something more than just a potential. But whatever it is I know I need to embrace life and my new adventure and allow it to continue to change me into the person I have the potential to become.

For in doing this, that is where true happiness lies. I am excited to write another post in 18 months and see just where life has taken me, what I am accomplishing, and more importantly what I have learned through this journey called life! :)



THE JOURNEY

Where are you going?

What do you hope to accomplish?

Are you doing any good at what you are doing?

Are you making a difference in the world?

Are you happy with your decisions?

 

We all have a journey to take in this lifetime. We all travel a different one though I think we generally want to be on the same one doing the same thing: doing good in the world.

This past week I learned a lot about journeys and destinations and reaching our end goal. The Wizard of Oz was referenced quite a bit this week as we sought out to discover for ourselves the road we were on and if we needed to make detours to be on the path we wanted to be on.

The path looks clear and easy but anyone who knows the movie knows it wasn't the easiest path to get to her destination. As I pondered this week about my path and the improvements I want to make on my path I discovered a few different things.

#1: Believe in Yourself- Believe that you can make a difference in yourself and in the world. Believe that you have the power to change your situation in life and believe that the future is bright as you put forth your effort to see the changes. I know I want a brighter happier future for myself and I also know it won't be an easy task to get there. But I do know if I hide behind fears and doubts then I will stay stuck in the same place with no progression in life.

#2: Positive Attitude- This has been a task I have been working at a lot lately and I know I am not perfect at it. But I discovered in more depth this week that the more you find the negative in something the more miserable you will seem to be. Since there will be bumps in our journey we will need to learn to roll with the punches and find something positive out of the situation. This past week demonstrated feelings of loss, feelings of insecurities, and feelings of not belonging. Even though those feelings were there I challenged myself to look beyond the uneasiness and to find the positives that were present. Each day I named off all the positives surrounding me and through that I had an excellent week. I had the opportunity to meet some great people, I enjoyed sunshine, rain, mountains, good food, and felt the Spirit numerous times throughout the week. There were bumps along the way but as I reacted positively to those bumps I was taught many valuable lessons that in turn are helping me discover new qualities and desires from within.

#3: Support System- Realizing the need of support in life is HUGE! Seeing the encouragement from others as you make changes in your life is the greatest feeling ever. I have been on a self improvement kick since January and I have loved and appreciated everyone who has stood behind me through it all. There have been amazing people who have prayed for me and have cheered me on and have sent encouraging text messages. This past week as I thought about their excitement and their encouragement it has helped me realize that I want more fulfillment on my journey through life and having them behind me has helped me find encouragement along my journey.

Just as Dorthy needed people along her journey to help her find her way, so do we. Yes, there is a lot I feel I can do on my own but it would be a sad world if I didn't have someone who believed in me as well.

Our journey in life isn't easy. I don't think it was meant to be easy. If life was easy what would we gain from it? Would we grow? Would we move forward? Would we prosper? Probably not. As we endure hard things with a positive outlook we will grow and the blessings from hard moments are so much sweeter. I look over my life and I know things happen for a reason and some times it is to move us in a direction that maybe our fears and insecurities are holding us back from going after. I was reminded this week that we are our hardest critics because we are so afraid of failure. But because we are so afraid of failure we don't give ourselves enough credit to go after something new, something challenging, something that could even be rewarding. We set ourselves up for failure before ever giving an idea a chance and in the end stop our journey from moving forward. It is time to believe in ourselves, reach for dreams, and know that in the end we will make it to our destiny on the journey of life and that this destiny will be the most rewarding thing of all because we believed in ourselves enough to make it happen.

 



WARNING: PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION!!!!!!!

In life is there such thing as being to cautious? Can it hinder our progression? I have always been a person who is cautious about a lot of things in life. I also have a very imaginative imagination therefore I foresee what could happen and of course I see the worst thing that could happen. When I was younger I would some times find myself angry with myself because I couldn't bring myself to do the daring things that my brothers would do. They seemed so fearless and therefore in my eyes the coolest guys around and I was just their dumb scaredy cat sister who wouldn't allow herself to do anything. My conscience in a lot of ways would take over than I would imagine the worst possible outcome and I would be paralyzed with fear.

As I got older I think I gained a little bit more confidence in myself and courage to be a little bit braver. I came out of my shell a little more and convinced myself that I could do some of the things I was terrified of. A lot of it was from the encouragement I had at my side. I remember when I was a youth my older brother and his friend (who I was majorly crushing on at the time) offered to take all of us girls repelling. I was so stoked to go while all the other girls thought it was dumb. I talked it up for weeks, getting all the girls excited then the moment arrived. I was up at the top of the rock with my brother's friend all harnessed and ready to go and I froze. I was paralyzed by fright and thought there is no way I could do this. Even though there were other girls ready to go, he sat by me forever coaxing me and encouraging me to do it. He slowly convinced me to turn around with the sincerest statement that he had me securely locked into the rope and to just look up in his eyes the whole time and that I would make it down the mountain. Of course I was later teased that it only took me looking dreamily into his eyes that got me down since I was crushing on him so much lol But it was more than that. My mom stood at the bottom through the entire process cheering me on and telling me to do it. She never once moved from her spot. She cheered me the whole way down the rock and being the wise mother that she is as soon as I was down and even though I was shaking she made me get right back up there and go down again. She knew I needed to do it twice to prove to myself that I could repel down the mountain.

Through out life I got braver and braver in certain areas and kept branching out of my little shell. But as I also got older I experienced another thing: PAIN!!! And by pain, I mean pain of all kinds. A few years ago one day my big toe of all things randomly started to hurt. I didn't think much about it until fall rolled around and I was limping pretty bad and finally decided to have it checked out. This finally proceeded in having 3 foot surgeries in 2 years. However, when I had that first foot surgery I woke up from the surgery and I wasn't numb like I should have been. That first step down was the worst most excruciating pain that I have EVER experienced. I have never in my life felt pain like that before. (Thankfully the next 2 surgeries were better) But because of that experience I am somewhat paralyzed by fear and extremely cautious because I don't want to have that pain again. I still to this day can't bring myself to jump off the back of a truck. I have to sit down and scoot myself until I touch the ground. When I participated in the dirty dash last year and everyone jumped off the bales of hay I cautiously scooted down. In January I took the youth ice skating and I was surprised how cautious I was about moving around and worried I would trip and hurt my foot. Everyone else assumed I was scared of ice skating but little did they know, I use to ice skate all the time when I was younger. This week a friend of mine asked me to go hiking with her and another one of her friends and we hiked straight up the water over slick rocks to get to the waterfall. The end result was beautiful and breath taking. They moved up there so fast but to my surprise I was SO cautious and it took me a lot longer to get up there and to get back down. The whole time I had a fear of slipping on the wet rocks and hurting my feet and experiencing that pain again. I felt so bad that they had to wait on me at the top and at the bottom but I could not get my body to move any faster than it was.

Not only have a experienced physical pain but over the years I have experienced emotional pain as well. With that pain sadly comes the lack of trust. Lack of trust in myself and lack of trust in others. It is easier to stick to what is familiar rather than the fear of pain and mistrust again right? This is something that I struggle with so much and hope to one day master overcoming. Developing not only trust but faith in the assured knowledge that all will be alright in the end. This weekend I was with youth again and I asked them to take on a very daunting task. Thinking back on it, I wonder how I would have done in their situation and my heart swells in pride for each of them. I asked them each to be blindfolded and they were blindly led up a mountain side and then back down. This was not a clear smooth path. There were twigs and logs and branches in the way. Some of the time there was a rope if they trusted the person guiding them to hold on to it. Of course there was also someone telling them to go in a different direction as well. I know how cautious I am walking up and down things not blindfolded that could have potentially hurt my feet and for them to surrender to complete trust in someone else was amazing and they taught me so much by watching them.

So this morning as I ponder fear and being cautious vs being fearless and having complete trust I wonder where is the happy medium of having faith and trust knowing all will work out and distinguishing between our conscience guiding us and not hindering us from progressing.

I ponder: Where is my confidence that I can accomplish good things? Where is my confidence in knowing that I will be led down the correct path for myself and that as I pray to a loving Heavenly Father that he won't leave me stranded but that he will let me know what is right and wrong? Where is my faith that not every guy I will meet will break my heart? Where is the faith that people I meet will not always take advantage of my friendship for their gain then ditch me when I no longer am of service towards them? Where is my faith that I won't always be the "go to girl" to those individuals who are struggling in their own relationships and when they finally figure things out and they leave me in the dust? Where is my ability to simply trust again? Where is my ability to see beyond physical and emotional pain and recognize there is good amongst it all and that there won't always be disappointments?

The thing that comes to my mind the most is Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lead not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path" This I believe to be so true. I also know its something I need to more conientously focus on in my life. I know as I learn to trust and believe more in faith and develop courage to move forward to take steps in the dark at times that my trust and faith will trump some of these fears. I know pain is necessary but I know that pain is also temporary as well. I will develop the assurdity that I can trust again in the unknown. That my heart won't always get broken, that I won't always be taken advantage of for others gains, that I can have the confidence in myself to do what I want and what the Lord knows is right for me. And in the end I won't be always proceeding with caution but eventually I can say WARNING: PROCEEDING WITH FAITH AND TRUST IN ALL THINGS! :)

 

Blessings of Life

Why is life so hard???????????????????????????????? That is the phrase I have been hearing over and over again by so many people the last few months. Why do we have the challenges we do? Why do we have to deal with life’s hardships? Why do I have to make such hard decisions? Why can’t I just avoid making decisions and live as if pain is not there?

I have been thinking about this a lot as I have listened to so many people discuss their hardships with me and wish I had the best answers for them.  Sadly, I don’t have the best answers and in fact my heart reaches out to them because not that long ago I was wondering similar things.

I still don’t think my life is the greatest and I definitely don’t have all the answers out there but some of the conclusions I have come through during the past couple of years of really hard moments are the following:

#1: Trials don’t go away, but neither does Christ!

I was thinking about this and then saw the saying on facebook and it is so true. We all have trials. We all have to make decisions for our lives. This is how we grow and become the best person we can be. It is through these that we are changed and molded. If we don’t make decisions for ourselves then how will we know what is best for us. Sometimes we have to accept the answer as “No” and that is the hardest. Believe me, I get that one. But there are so many times we are scared to hear the answer no so we continue in misery and pain and indecisiveness. That is not the life to live. This is the moment to put total trust in something Higher than ourselves and know that Christ is not going away and will guide us through. Even if the answer might be no God knows what is best and if you ALLOW him to guide your life he will let you see the answer that is YES!

 

#2 Refiners fire always has a purpose!

We are being molded and we are being shaped into something our human eyes struggle to see. Getting burned, feeling pain is all part of the plan. People try to avoid pain. People try to avoid hurt. Cause honestly who wants to feel those things? No One!!! I get it probably more than most. But allowing ourselves to feel pain allows us to express humility and realize there is power Higher than ours that will lead us to a better place.

 

#3 We can do hard things!

We need to realize that the hard things are not going to go away but that as we push ourselves we can experience so many changes that will become the sweetest tender mercies that we have ever experienced. We need to remember that we are not left alone to figure out this life. We are not here without tools to make us stronger, to make us better. IF we allow ourselves to be pushed, put forth the work, and trust it can be done than it can be done.

So with all this said I have decided to prove to myself that I can do hard things and that if I work hard and put in my effort and faith then I can accomplish things. Some trials are a result of our actions and some trials just come because they are a part of life and it’s a thing we must deal with.

As most of you know a few years ago I decided to take up running. Running is not a natural thing for me. Quite honestly I am not fast at all. I would beat myself up over this when I would see people run faster than me or my time wasn’t the “best”. On top of this as friends would improve and become faster I would encounter more and more health problems and it has affected my ability to run as well as I want to. But I know if I endure well then I can accomplish what I set out to do in life. Even though I still struggle with this, I am training to tell myself it’s not how fast I go it’s the fact that I am doing it. It’s the fact that I am putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that I am not left alone to handle this alone.

In the past two years I have endured 3 foot surgeries, I have a weak ankle from falling down some stairs that has not quite healed the same, I developed sciatic nerve problems during my Teton trip last summer that still flares up, and lately I have been experiencing more back cramps and leg cramps then I ever knew was possible. But with all this going on I still want to run. I want to work through this trial and trust that something Higher than me believes in me that I can do it.

 

So a few weeks ago I did a crazy thing: I signed up for a 10K! For most people this is nothing. But for me this is huge! With all the issues that keep hitting me running is becoming a hard trial. People said “Sarah you are crazy!” But they were supportive in pushing me on. I didn’t give myself much time to prep for this and with all my health issues attacking me I am not expecting huge results. I am just expecting to make it through the finish line! J I have an awesome friend who has been pushing me harder and harder and reminding me that I need to put it in my head that I can do it. Having her support by my side has been amazing.

So if anyone is reading this, I ask for an extra prayer as I tackle this 10K tomorrow morning at 7 am sharp. I know just like other trials I have in life that I can endure this. I know that I am not being left alone, and I know I am being refined into something greater by doing this. I want to live a long healthy life. If I get married someday I want to be a healthy wife and support to my husband. If I have children or children are entrusted to me someday then I want to be a healthy fun mother. If neither of those things comes then I want to be a healthy and fun aunt, friend, sister, and daughter. I don’t want my trials to weigh me down and stop me from accomplishing what I know I can become in life. Whether it is running or not, I am here to prove that I have the power to change my life, make the best choices for me, and strive to live the best life I can.

As nervous as I am, I am looking forward to crossing the finish line on Center Street in Provo tomorrow morning. If you are bored and live close by come on down and support all these runners who train so hard to better themselves. If unable to come your prayers and support will be greatly appreciated. Cause whether our trial is running or on a much deeper level; bottom line is that we can accomplish all things if we put one foot in front of the other and allow ourselves to be guided in the best direction we can and trust that whatever we are sent here to endure, if we endure it well, will be for our best benefit! J