SEASON OF CHANGE

SEASON OF CHANGE

With the changes of the weather and the leaves it has gotten me thinking about all the changes we go through in our lives. The weather is getting colder and even though right now I am not happy about it soon I will embrace the change and be excited for Christmas. Then I will be excited and ready for the days of Spring and Summer again. Just the same with life, sometimes I am not happy about changes but with time I will grow to appreciate the change that has happened.

Change has definitely not stopped in my life and I am finally ready to write about it because I think I can finally embrace it and it move forward with renewed positive outlook about life.

One change that came in my life the last few months came when a guy I had been flirting with for a few months finally asked me where I see myself with him and his children (who were adorable) long term. Now let’s ponder this question for a minute. How often does this question present itself to Sarah? Um, NEVER!!! I really liked the guy and I could see myself with him long term so needless to say I was ecstatic over this question. Well, two days later while sitting alone in a hotel room in Montana for work he text and said “Just Kidding about all I said, I am going back to my girlfriend I had even though she doesn’t know if she loves me and doesn’t know if she loves my children” A week later when I returned from Montana we talked and he said even though I was amazing in every sense of the word he feels he is committed to her and he will have to do his best to forget about me and that I exist. He has done just that since that day. The kicker to this story is that we work in the same building together. People kept telling me to get over him and he was not worth it. I am to that point that I am able to move forward which is why I think I am writing my feelings now but man it has been hard knowing I work with someone who is purposely going out of their way to ignore me. I have to walk down the hall every day, walk into his office area every day for one thing or another work related and knowing he is purposely sitting there ignoring me. Talk about a constant salt to the wound. But just as seasons change and move forward so do situations and that is what I am doing moving forward.

I thought having a guy deny there was ever anything between us and then keep trying to come back into my life was hard but having someone you actually like tell you they had the same feelings you had then drop you like a sack of manure was a different kind of hurt that definitely took some time to jump back from. But life always moves forward and doesn’t stop just like the seasons and I am moving forward as well. The smile and determination to find the positives in life has returned and I know I am being watched over and that there are good things happening in my life.

One change that has come into my life is finally taking the plunge to really explore continuing my education. I have pondered this thought for a while and decided now is the time to see if it is really for me. I am registered for the Masters of School Counseling degree and even now as I write I get goose bumps thinking of this change. On Tuesday I will start a 6 week class and at the end it will determine if I can continue or not. I went to orientation this past week and even though I had no voice due to a recent sickness the feelings of being overwhelmed sunk in deep. But at the same time I am really excited for this change. The next 6 weeks will definitely be life alternating as I learn to be a student again and write papers and give presentations but I am ready to give it my all to see if I really have what it takes to be a school counselor. I am thankful for the prayers that have already been sent my way and pray for continual prayers as I work my tail off the next 6 weeks and then hopefully the next 2 ½ years if they accept me to go further into the program. They said this week only 75% of the class actually passes this 6 week class! YIKES!!!!!!

Since I can’t seem to just handle one change in my life and usually have multiple going on at once in my life, I have yet another change as well. I feel that is the same with the seasons especially since the weather doesn’t know yet if it is fall or winter. As some people know I am prepping to run a marathon in August. If any of you really follow me you know I am not a runner naturally and this is a challenge as well. Thanks for the well wishes I have received thus far in my journey. I know it won’t be easy but I am thankful for the challenge to get out there and give it all I got. I know going through the finish line will be an emotion I won’t be able to explain. I know there will be tears and pain and joy and exhaustion and excitement. But just the same I am looking forward to this.

2014 will definitely be a year of changes if I get to continue in my education and prepare for my marathon and who knows what else that is thrown in my way along with fulfilling my church calling and working  full time. I know some of these changes haven’t been easy and I know the future changes won’t be easy as well but just the same I know there is a reason for all things and I am excited to look forward to the future with a positive outlook and determination to succeed.
Each season comes with a determination to make itself known. Fall is determined to show its crisp air and changing of colors. Winter will be just as determined to come with its fierce wind and beautiful snowflakes. Then spring will return with its flowers doing its best to show through and then summer will come with its beautiful blue skies and lovely warm weather.

In our lives we need to be just as determined to live with and through whatever is thrown our way. Some changes come not from choices of our own and some changes do come from our choices as I have seen lately. But I have learned our attitude really does determine how the outcome will move forward. I am looking forward to continue to move past the sadness and hurt that has come into my life and I look forward to the new changes in my life as well.

Every day as I wake up and look outside I see continual changes in the air and as I look in the mirror I see continual changes in my life. Embrace the changes because they come whether we are prepared or not. Go forward with a positive attitude and look forward to how the seasons of our lives can change us for the better! J