Difference

All day I have been in one of those exhausted modes but I can't sleep and I think I am a little dehydrated but not enough energy to do more than sit on my butt and stare at the ceiling. I keep reviewing the days event and the moments that led up to this and decide to share the journey.

 A few years ago I decided I was going to start running. My older brother picked up running to help him through his divorce and a year later I ended up nursing a heart break that I didn't know could hurt as bad as it did. I had invested four years of my life into something that not only backfired in my face but slapped me right on the ground to pain I don't ever want to experience again. I was in a bad shape and had hit a low that took A LONG TIME to recover from. I had seen my brother run a race and decided my goal would be to go back home and run that same race a year later.

 My sister in law was at my side the entire time and coached me while my older brother documented the experience. There were times she had me run and there were times she had me walk. Through both I was able to not only accomplish my goal but beat the time I had set for myself. I had signed up for the race with another person and when we finished and people would congratulate me she would pipe up and say, I ran the whole race. I ran the whole way and I didn't walk once.

 By this time I had already undergone two feet surgeries so I thought it was just great I had made it through the finish line. But little did I know those words would come to haunt me. After those comments I started to value my worth on ONLY if I ran. For awhile it was a motivation and with time I was running non stop through 5K's and then through 10K's and even though I was not the fastest I thought it is okay, I ran and with time I will get faster. And with time I did start to get faster. Then I tore all the ligaments in my right ankle and then I endured another foot surgery. This resulted in 3 foot surgeries in 2 years. Ever since the last surgery my running ability has declined tremendously. I can still run but I can not get back up to the speed I was at. With every move my body hurts worse.

 Last fall my older brother talked me into signing up for a full marathon that will take place in 7 weeks from today. I have been training and even though I am getting the distances in and I am running I am running so SLOW. Because of this I have beat myself up emotionally over this and have begun to think I am of no value because I am not fast and at times I don't run the entire time because I have achy feet or charlie horses or pains in my back. I keep at it though because despite the pain I don't want to let my brother down and I want us both to be able to accomplish hard things. But my emotional state turns into a self defeating turmoil. I will hear how fast people are running or I will hear comments that I could run faster if I really wanted to and each time I sink into deeper despair. There were always people who keep cheering me on through my self destruct but I was struggling to snap out of it.

At times I would actually voice my frustration and I would say, When I run I am running the fastest I can. At times my arches are literally on fire. Charlie horses are like a knife being taken to the back of your leg. At times my back hurts so bad it takes my breath away. I was not born a runner. I have never ran but despite my limitations I am doing the best I can. I know exercise is good for me and I know I will get through this race but man it is hard at times. Then there are times I run and no aches and pains ever.

 I knew a good way to test myself and to see where I was for the full marathon was to sign up for a half marathon. But because of my negative thoughts I have been really SCARED for this day. I am not going to be any good. It is going to take a long time. I am not going to be like the other runners. blah blah blah. Well last week I went to visit my parents after not being home for a few months and I was able to have some awesome conversations with my mom. We discussed my involvement with my church youth girls and how much I love serving in this capacity. Then we talked about my job and school and some major decisions I have to make. Both conversations went well so the next time we were able to talk I voiced my emotions and how much I was beating myself up. My mom can be competitive at some things so I didn't know what I would expect from her. What followed was a moment that changed my life.

She gave me the neatest and best pep talk ever. She reminded me of my worth and that the only competition was against myself. She told me I know my limitations and why beat myself up to fit into a running mold that I may never be in because of my limitations. She encouraged me to do my best, challenge myself by going the distances with the half and the full marathon but it doesn't matter what others think or how others do but how I succeed with what I have before me. After talking to my mom it was like this burden was lifted off my shoulders and I was actually excited for today.

 So here is the run down of the day:

48 hours prior 

all the music was erased from my Ipod and thanks to Facebook friends I was able to download enough of their suggestions to make it through the race. Whenever a song came on they suggested I dedicated that portion of the race to them because they inspired me. 

 24 hours prior

I bought awesome new shoe laces and socks and picked up my packet. By 845 pm I had everything packed and laid out so I could be up by 330 am to get ready. I was in bed by 9 pm and tossed and turned all night long and finally the alarm went off. I dressed, grabbed my items and was out the door by 415 am. 

 445 am 

the bus started the longest ride (my co-worker warned me of this) up the canyon and to distract myself I struck up a conversation with the girl next to me. I never got her name but she became my buddy until the race began. 

 515am 

we arrived at the top of the canyon and it was cold. I ate my breakfast and drank my water and tried not to freak out. 

 6 am 

I walked about 400 yards further to the porta pottys but realized everyone else had the same idea. After the longest line I was feeling much better and headed back down to the welcoming tent. 

 625 am 

realized I needed to use the restroom again but also knew the race would start in 5 minutes. I thought maybe it is nerves and it will go away. 

 630 am 

the race began and I thought oh crap I am running a 1/2 marathon today. 

 Mile 1 

I REALLY needed to use the bathroom and thought someone said there would be one at mile 2 

 Mile 2.......

And no bathrooms and I thought there is no way I can do this. Ran a little bit longer than paused ran up the side of the mountain popped a squat and was quickly on my way again. I never thought having to learn the art of popping a squat hiking with my brothers would come in handy. 

 Mile 4 

I thought wow what a beautiful canyon and I am all alone 

 Mile 5 

Started to get passed by an old woman and she was OLD. I said do you like to run a lot and she said of yes. I said this is my first and she said the beauty of the first is that you never get that back. I said how long have you been running and she said I started 15 years ago and this is my 94th race! And I thought seriously Sarah this is enough to stop you from beating yourself up. She said the older I get though the slower I get. I said I feel that some days and she said dear it doesn't matter how you cross the finishing line just as long as you finish upright. Probably best comment EVER :) I soon passed her and continued on my way. Passed a few more people. 

 Mile 6 

Looked down and realized that if I was just doing a 10K I would have set a PR for myself today. This boosted my spirits and away I went. We turned on to the actual canyon trail and encountered some crazy steep hills. I wondered if I was going to make it to the top of them. Along the trail I passed a few more people 

 Mile 8 

My hands were so swollen (new thing the past 2 weeks) that I couldn't close them. 

 Mile 9 

It was hot and I could feel my body wanting to be done 

 Mile 10 

I cursed my brother for wanting to do a marathon and thought dang that is far and if I was running it now I wouldn't even be half way lol   

Mile 11 

The volunteer looks at me and says only 2 more miles its easy. If I wasn't beginning to feel delirious I might have thought he was. 

 Mile 12 

I almost kissed that mile marker and began to pick up speed and then the pains began in the back of BOTH legs 

 12.80 

I saw the High School insight and thought I had never been so happy to see that school 

 12.90 

Turned the corner and two amazing friends were there to cheer me on despite the fact I came in WAY later than we estimated. They cheered and ran beside me 

 13.1 

I crossed through the finish line and have never felt more exhausted, relieved, and excited all at once. I did it!!! I just completed a 1/2 marathon. I pushed my body as hard as I could, challenged myself a little, but knew my limits and did the best I could. I did this race for me and man did it feel great 

 Highlights of the day: 

still laughing over the fact I popped a squat during a race

met an amazing lady with a great perspective

accomplished a goal I had and I did it Sarah style. :) 

Today was an amazing day and it gave me a glimpse of what the marathon will be like. I want to do some things a little different and now I have 7 weeks to prepare. How will it all be accomplished??? I am not sure quite yet but I know it will be in a way that pushes me but in a way I know I can do it. One thing I do know though is on August 30th 2014 I will proudly start a 26.2 mile race and at some point I will proudly cross the finish line of that race claim my participant medal and know despite my limitations I didn't back down and pushed through accomplished the goal and I will have done it for me, just like today. 

Thank you Hobble Canyon for giving me 13.1 miles to experience life through a whole different view :)

RESULTS

My friend took me last weekend to this cutest boutique show. So many cute things but unsure what to buy type thing. Well while there I found a saying that now I wish I had bought because it pretty much sums up my life: "If your dreams don't scare you then they are not big enough" There is so much truth to that. I have been on pins and needles the past 7 weeks. Also with me everything worthwhile that I want to accomplish definitely doesn't come easy. I always have hoops to jump through. Here is the run down of the last 7 weeks:

Orientation Week: I show up with NO voice! Ya try introducing yourself and telling everyone why you want to go down this route. lol

Week 1: Assigned a 7 page paper written in APA format and a 10 min presentation due the next week. Every single night that week I had something going on plus I was working the weekend. On top of that write a paper??? In APA format????? It's been YEARS since I had to write a paper. Missed my race that I had gotten a free entry to :( that Saturday and last minute got someone to cover part of my shift on Saturday. Had one amazing friend help me understand the assignment, pulled an almost all nighter (went to bed at 3 am and was up doing church stuff by 9 am), had another amazing friend critique the paper, and another friend Tuesday help me spice up my presentation.

Week 2: Showed up in a bundle of nerves thinking I might hurl lol and gave it all I had. No response from teacher how things went. But told week 4 I needed to turn in a 13 page paper and give another 10 min presentation. Knowing I was going to be busy with work and church I went home holed up in front of the computer for an entire weekend and hammered out a 13 page paper.

Week 3: Teacher was suppose to sit down one on one and go over first paper. Actually excited for the critique. Want to know what I did good and what I did bad. Doesn't happen. No feedback. Do role play in class. My partner and I did it wrong got some feedback but honestly was still very confused. Mentioned in class I had started my next paper hoping teacher would comment if I was doing it right or not. Not much of a response yes or no. But 3/4's of the class after the teacher dismisses us early "Wow, you already working on 2nd paper you seem to have it together. Where did you find your resources? How did you  do your paper?" Left feeling very dejected wondering if I was doing anything right, on the verge of tears. Carpool friends buoyed me up and reminded me not to give up. Amazing friends listened to my sobs. That week amazing friends reviewed paper a few times and gave feedback. Bestie reviewed the presentation and let me practice in front of her until our eyes were burning with exhaustion. During this time developed major heartburn wondered if I had an ulcer.

Week 4: turned in paper and gave presentation in front of class plus 3 teachers critiquing me. I was nervous. Gave it all I had. Realized I stumbled a few times and lost my train of thought briefly when I realized my time was almost over. Next day with the help of my amazing presidency for church pulled off Young Womens in Excellence. Prayed constantly to God that I would be able to give my talk with not having much time to prepare it.

Week 5: had one on one session with one teacher while the other two teachers critiqued. Tried to show compassion and empathy but not sure if my point was being made. Nodded and smiled a lot and showed I was truly interested. Left with still no feedback. No feedback at all through this whole process. Pulled off a dinner with my awesome youth group and co-workers two days later for opinion leaders of Utah county. Showed the video my youth and intern and one other co-worker had been working on for months. Hosted 17 of the opinion leaders and had a grand total of 62 people there.

Week 6: Showed up today for feedback. With not only one but TWO cold sores on my lip. Never had two before. My lip is on some serious fire!!! Driving there in HORRIBLE traffic I had time to reflect. This past 6 weeks have been insane with this, church, and work. I have had BIG things to do in all areas of my life. But I can honestly say I gave my all and I was able to do it all. It wasn't easy but I showed I was determined to do well. If I was denied well at least I couldn't say I didn't try. If I was to be accepted then I knew I could handle physical and emotional ailments at once and that with amazing support at my side I would be able to make it through. This past 7 weeks I have prayed my guts out pleading for help and not once was a left alone. God was at my side through it all as well. Show up to the room a chair in front of panel of 3 teachers. Gave me some positives gave me some negatives that I was thankful for to learn from then the words............... Congratulations you passed the entrance class and officially accepted into the program!!!!!

Most exciting words all day! I am actually doing this! Thanks so much for all the love and support and for blowing up my phone tonight! Seriously, you made me feel so loved and supported. I honestly feel right now I am on the path that I am suppose to be on. I know the next few years won't be easy. I know I will  have huge assignments at work. I know Church will keep me hopping (which I love) I know I will be up to my eye balls in writing papers in APA format, giving presentations, reading, and group work but I know I will be able to get through it all. I know my body is going to fight me and bring me down but in the end I will have accomplished one of my scariest dreams out there. I will have shown it that I wanted it and gave it my all.

Tonight I am thankful for dreams, for the desire to chase them even though they are scary, for my amazing support network, for my work and church experience to help push me in this direction and giving me the confidence I needed to take a stab in the dark and for promptings that reminded me I am on the path God wants me on right now!

Tonight my heart is overjoyed! :)

FORWARD

Today my friend and I went to price check items for some upcoming activities we want have planned with the youth at our church in December. My friend has this great idea for an amazing dinner so we priced check the numerous types of dishes we would need. Boy did I learn a lot today and so excited to learn more in a few weeks. After we price checked all that we headed over to Costco to price check this delicious meal she thought up as well. Man is it going to be good. I was just enjoying my afternoon chatting with her and learning more about her and having a great time.

After we were done she says, "I love Costco food you want to grab something to eat?" I thought what a great idea. We went up to order and she so sweetly says "I'm totally paying for yours." Then the cashier tells her check or cash only. She realizes her cash isn't in her purse so I go to grab mine and a total stranger next to us says, "She can't find her cash? Totally put their bill on my tab." I was like you really don't need to do that and she looks me in the eye and says "yes I do, I need to do a good deed today."

I have been thinking about that for the rest of the night. I am so thankful for sweet people like that and I thought what if we all had the attitude of needing to do a good deed today. Maybe it's as small as showing our love to a child or a family member. Maybe its offering just a smile to someone. Maybe its showing gratitude or maybe its even paying for someone else's lunch.

I often hear the phrase of paying it forward but it seriously has a domino affect if you allow it. I really wanted to go out and serve another person today. I wanted to give back what was given to me. Sure I gave someone extra items when they asked me for resources to help them quit and I freely gave the sister missionaries a ride but I feel it wasn't my act of paying it forward because I felt the things I did today was every day things you should do. But maybe it was just my kind gesture that was sufficient.

Bottom line though, paying it forward should not be just a sought out specific item but something that is ingrained in our soul that makes us want to be a better person. Something that enables us to say without a second thought oh let me pick up the tab or let me do whatever it is that we feel we can do to help another person in need.

I am grateful for the kindness that was shared with me today and hope I can strive to be that type of person every day.

Fast Lane

I knew deep down in inside that I shouldn't have committed myself to writing my thankfuls every day on the blog. I can never get to the blog daily. Life is just so crazy and the last couple of weeks were no different. Which is probably why I am feeling blah today. Usually when I am super exhausted is when I notice the not so "ideals" of my life. For the most part I am super happy with life but then there comes a day when it all comes crashing down on me and today was my day. Plain and simple today I was feeling lonely. It's that loneliness that no friend can fill. I know some day that will all be in the past and someone will be here. I have been reassured multiple times and I have been told that it will all happen in God's timing and I get it, I really do. And yes, I even believe it. I know it will happen but on days I am so tired of all I do in life I see couples helping each other through the hard times and buoying each other up and I realize how hard it is at times and then its in those moments I feel lonely. Lonely and an ache that I am super good at suppressing comes to the surface and I have learned I just have to let the emotions roll with the tide that day. It does no good in masking them and usually its quiet moments of tears. Today was tears at church, then it was tears walking home from church both times I was there today, and then it was tears while I cooked myself dinner. But just as the emotions come they quickly go as well which I am ever so grateful for. I don't like when people dwell on their woes and I try really hard not to. It's like the tears swept the emotions away and now I am ready to let sleep take me away so I can be refreshed tomorrow with a bright outlook on life once again. Because honestly I have so much to be thankful for which is what I plan to sum up briefly since I have been slacking. I did the things on the list I was given but didn't record them. Here is my thankfulness from the last two weeks:

DAY 11: I was encouraged to send thank you notes to 5 people who deserve a little recognition. Well, this was done on a different day and it wasn't done in notes form but I am truly grateful for the presidency I get to work with at church. They really go out of their way to shine at their callings and for the young women we oversee. I have told them a few times this month how much I appreciate them individually and I hope they really know I mean it. I have also told some co-workers how grateful I am for them. They have been my right-hand through some recent projects along with our interns. I don't survive without them. :)

DAY 12: Enjoy the people around you! I watched my neighbor get our meals ready for the day. I know at times she feels stressed but she always sees that our needs are met. I watched each class member that night give their presentation and as I watched each of them I was able to compare from previous presentations. I saw some improvements in some from the other time and I was so proud of them. I saw others shine just as well that night as they did before. I saw how each of them have a true desire to help others and in that moment I felt so lucky to know each of them. I appreciated the comfort and cheers and reassurance I received as I presented as well.

DAY 13: Focus on one sense! Today I focused on what I could see. Today I was grateful for my sight. Through that I was able to see the young woman try their best to show their talents. I was able to see the young women leaders bear testimony of their love for them. I was able to see the leaders put together an evening that demonstrated their love by the way they decorated the room and displayed the desserts. They really wanted the night to be special. I was also grateful I could see the boys in my class as they struggle through life and cling to smoking as their only hope of survival. I was grateful to see a couple of them think a little more about the choices they are making.

DAY 14: See the world through the eyes of a child. Today was a long day as I prepped for next weeks event and I had tobacco checks in Provo that took a long time. But as I thought how a child would I was grateful for everything. I was grateful for people who actually RSVP. I didn't realize how important it was until I was crunching numbers. I was thankful for a boss who took a moment to listen to my concern and help me crunch numbers as well. I was grateful for an intern who was willing to keep up with the million assignments we both had to do before next week. I was grateful for a teenager who was willing to work and an officer who was willing to take on a big city alone even though it made our checks longer. I was grateful for small talk during the long ride that made it not so long. I was grateful that even though I wanted to sleep that I was given strength to keep going to accomplish all that I needed to. I was grateful for a friend who let me come over and helped me with my project for next week and that I was able to literally see the world through her children's eyes. They were so excited I was there and loved seeing themselves in my video camera and laughing. It really is the little things in life. I was grateful for conversation. I know I talk a lot but not always is it having just a conversation about life and in the important it was just what I needed.

DAY 15: Make an effort to live life with a positive outlook. This is something I try to do regularly but today I tried even harder. I appreciated people even more for helping me with my project I was working on. I willingly took food to a person in need for my neighbor who didn't have time. I appreciated the moment to meet someone new and to talk with them briefly.

DAY 16: Pick 3 friends you see regularly and view their actions. Today was a perfect day for this challenge because I got to see my co-workers outside of work because one of our other co-workers was baptized into the religion majority of us attend. As I watched them I was grateful for each one of them in my life because even if some of them don't practice this particular religion they are all good good people with good hearts. They teach me to look for the positives in life and to keep my chin up. They try to help others around the office, offer support within and outside of work. I am blessed to know great people.

DAY 17: The challenge has changed may perspective thus far because it has reminded to go back to the basics of my happiness challenge this past year. Be grateful for the small and simple things in life. It has taught me I need to remember that little things are what bring joy. It has reminded me to follow the positive examples of others and that will help me be a better person.

DAY 18: Appreciate yourself. This is always hard but today I appreciated myself for wanting to try new projects and to learn how to make new things. I appreciated myself for following the example of my parents in being a hard worker. I appreciated myself for wanting to be an active listener and wanting to help others.

DAY 19: Stand in the mirror and focus on five things that you love about yourself. SO HARD. But I did it. In the end I realized that I like my blue eyes, I like my smile, I like that I have been teaching myself to laugh more, I like that my hair holds a curl, and I like that God gives me strength to get up every morning to start the day with a fresh start.

DAY 20: Today I feel grateful for others who believe in me and tell me so. I tend to doubt myself A LOT. But there are others who see things in me that I struggle to see in myself. I am grateful for those who believed in my movie project and pushed me to keep working on it. I am grateful for those who saw it actually liked what I did and supported it. I am grateful for the confidence I was given last night when I was so nervous. My new friends as I call them encouraged me all the way to the door and were waiting for me with the same encouragement when I left my terrifying interview. I know I need to have the same confidence in myself that others see in me.

DAY 21: What makes me lovable??? Seriously focusing on myself this week while trying to accomplish huge assignments has been interesting. I think I am lovable because I truly care about people and when others lash their anger out at me I take it personal. That happened to me this morning and I tried to not let it affect my whole day. I have an interest in others lives and I want to hear their stories. I am open to their ideas and willing to teach them. I had 8 teenagers at my house last night to learn how to make muffins. Even though they were loud and crazy there were some who really wanted to learn and it was great. I appreciate myself for not giving up and not giving up on others who I know have a potential for greatness.

DAY 22: Have confidence in all the choices you have made today. Actually today I just want to sleep. But as I cleaned up from last nights event I had to have confidence that I did the best I could last night and that I tried my best. I had confidence that the projects I was working on today will sell next weekend and I can be a little more financially prepared for future items I will need to buy such as computer etc etc. I have confidence that the emails I sent out today with my job will result in positives returns that will only help my youth grow into the confident people they have the potential of becoming.

DAY 23: Thank you note to myself. I am thankful that I took this challenge and I am thankful I took a moment to look more closely at myself even though it was painful at times. I am thankful I have been given moments to realize the importance in having confidence in myself  and to always look for the positives in life. I am thankful that I have amazing examples in my life to learn from and to pattern my life after as I attempt to be a better person daily.

DAY 24: Reflect on what the challenge has done for you. Well, it has made me realize that life really isn't that bad and even though I had a hard moment today it doesn't mean that every day is like today. The challenge has helped me to appreciate others more and to realize they are trying just as hard. It has helped me see the importance of giving confidence to others and to once again appreciate the little things. It has helped me see how things such as my bed or tuna fish sandwiches can help me be grateful for so much. It has helped me to see that as I focus on my gratitude list that my sadness will eventually go away again and that like I learned in church today I can be grateful for the sad moments, the hard moments, because through them I can come to appreciate the good moments even more and look forward to happy moments that will replace the sad moments we experience in life :)

Tuna What?????

My next work suggestion for our grateful log is to share a picture of something I am thankful for. So here it is:

You are thinking what????? You are grateful for that???? Well yes but it means more than you are thinking lol

First, Yes I am grateful for tuna! I am grateful I have the ability and the know how to make myself food. It has been a long time since I have had a tuna melt and it sounded delish in the moment.

But I am much more grateful than that. I am grateful for all the many Sundays my mom would slave all day in the kitchen to make Sunday dinner. Sunday dinner at my parent's house was a big deal. I remember moving here to Utah and this guy told me he went to his grandma's house for dinner and they had sandwiches and I was like what?????? sandwiches for Sunday dinner????? I was surprised because that is so not how it was at the Simons house. My mom always made a nice dinner. We raised our own meat and I am from Idaho so we had meat and taters a lot but it was all so delish! She also made chicken and broccoli casserole, this amazing spaghetti sauce that would simmer for hours and always turn out just right, we would have meatloaf or ham or turkey. You get the point but I could go on for hours. Basically my mom is one freaking amazing cook and if you have had her food you would totally agree with this! That woman can cook!!!

And there are many Sundays that I miss it! I miss gathering around the dinner table when we all still lived there and have dinner, laugh still our sides hurt (thanks to the older bro) and then usually end the night with a game of hand and foot. I am grateful that my mom used food and especially Sunday dinner to bring us closer together over the years. No matter how the week went Sunday brought us together again. Many times if my dad wasn't laughing he was just shaking his head trying not to laugh and my mom would end the night saying "Ahh good hell, why do I bother?????" lol and then that would send us laughing even harder.

I am grateful she has taught me to love and appreciate Sunday dinners and it is one tradition I will continue with a family of my own some day. We might need rest of my family there to bring in the traditions but just the same one day I will attempt to make as amazing of food as her! I am grateful that Sunday dinners has brought me to realize the true meaning of being a family and sticking by each other.

For now its tuna melt and it may not look the best but in the moment it has increased my gratitude!

Yo bro, it's all about you!!!!

Today I was suppose to call someone I haven't talked to in awhile and tell them how grateful I am for them. Well, that ended up being easy for me today. I woke up and lets just say that I am so thankful this day is ending. It was a rough day and lets just say I felt like nothing was going right and I was feeling very taken advantage of today. It was one of those moments where I feel as if I constantly give but rarely is that same feeling given back to me.

So I called up my older brother because he always listens and truly cares. I totally unloaded all my woes on him and he just listened. Gave me some sympathetic feedback and encouraged me to go on. This is why I appreciate him. He never judges me but always sees the good where I slack. He is constantly checking up on me to make sure I am okay and to see how my life is. He is truly interested in my life. He is the kind of guy who makes commitments and keeps them. He is a hard worker and truly dedicates himself to his job.

He loves his children and does his best to show them that. He strives daily to be a better father even though he sees his kids every other weekend. He wants to see that they are always taken care of. I appreciate him because he usually finds humor in life and has the most contagious laugh. He brings the laughter into our family and makes trips home so much more enjoyable. He is sympathetic when I need a shoulder to cry on and a supporter when I feel I can't do something alone.

Everyone should have an older brother like me. He was meant to come first in our family and he truly holds us together. All his brothers look up to him and he is talked about in every conversation. He has friendships with each of his siblings and treats each one of us with kindness and respect.

I am so grateful I called him today since it had been awhile and even though it was due to the fact I needed a boost from his strength and compassion it also gave me the chance to tell him why I appreciate him. Thanks Scott for living up to the role of the older brother and being all that an older brother should be.

5 minute timer

Yesterday I was suppose to take 5 minutes and write everything I was grateful for that is in my life currently. It was in attempts to appreciate what I have now and not what I wish for. I started to do this and the computer decided to go all wack-o on me and I had to stop. It is funny though as I started to do this last night and as I am doing it now. I feel the things I named in my A to Z post are what I am currently grateful for. Usually when I ackowledge my blessings it is what I have currently. But I am going to give this a shot.

Currently I have a job and I am grateful for that when so many people don't have one. I am grateful for my car. Yes it is falling apart and yes it feels as if all the bolts and nuts are going to fall out of it but it gets me where I need to go and I can get so much more done with it then if I had to walk everywhere therefore I am grateful for my car. I am grateful I was able to take a HOT shower/bath tonight for a long time and relax. I am grateful for where I live. This includes the lil'townhome I am in and for the fact that I live in America and partly for Utah. My family teases me a lot for living in Utah but this place has pushed me in so many directions in the past 6 years that I have grow immensely. I am grateful for religion and what I am able to come to know for myself to be true. I am grateful for scriptures, for a testimony, for the chance to pray and pray often through out the day, and to study about topics that help me be a better person.

I talk a lot about friends these days but I am truly grateful for them. I am grateful that they listen and give me pep talks when I need it most. Twice this week I was given the encouragement I needed from people in my that literally pushed me to keep going. I am grateful for the opportunity to work with teens for work and church. It brings me joy and keeps me smiling. It is also providing me the resources to write my recent paper and to create my most recent presentation. I am grateful for food and that it is not hard to find nourishment. I am grateful for water. I am grateful I get to crawl into my comfy bed soon. I am grateful for technology to accomplish all that I need to especially lately and that technology allows me to keep up with people.

I am grateful for the little things like blue skies and sunshine and crunchy leaves. I am grateful for babies laughter. I am grateful for life in general even with the hard moments. Life's lessons shape me daily and gives me the insight to be a better person.

I love life!!!!