I love my family and all that I have been taught from them! They have taught me so many lessons and have helped me be who I am today! I learned a lot from their examples more than from words! Their examples always seem to go further and deeper in my soul!
But speaking of example there is one thing I have noticed about us as I get older. We don't exactly get the Nobel peace prize in the communication department! lol We struggle with "I'm sorry" or with "I love you" or with "I was hurt when you did this because......" We just get over it if that makes sense. We just move past the situation and don't address it. But just to clarify just because I didn't hear "I love you" often from the men in my life doesn't mean I don't question it. They have shown me numerous times thru their actions that they love me and care for me.
Still as I have gotten older and studied situations and life experiences I have come to a firm belief that communication is essential! This is something I lack but I have made a true effort to be better at since I have become an adult. We need to communicate and express ourselves to others. I may not say exactly how I feel in the moment. I may not be blunt all the time but eventually my thoughts are expressed. I feel it important to express the good and the bad and all the in between. This is the only way to be real!
On my mission when I wrote home I laid it all out there. I expressed the good and the bad! The happy and the hard moments. I wanted my family to experience what I was experiencing. But with that, as a society as a whole we tend to focus on the negatives with life. So some people think my mission was just "hard" and "trying" and maybe not the best decision I've made. However, that is quite the opposite. I loved my mission and everything that came with it. Yes, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done yet it will be one of the most cherished moments in my life as well. It helped shape me into the person I am today. The hard moments taught me some great life lessons. The joys committed me even more to my beliefs. It is not a decision I regret.
Such is the way with this "happiness project" I have taken upon myself. I am expressing the good and the hard moments because both are teaching me who I am but more importantly who I can become and who I want to become. Yes, I have hard moments thru this but I am not regretting the decision I have made nor am I giving up on it because of a few set backs. So if you are following my project please don't take my set backs as me being a negative and unhappy person and that I can't focus on anything good. This is quite the opposite. I have found so many goods the last 5 weeks and just because I have one bad day doesn't mean I will dwell on it and stay in that mood!
Writing has become my "outlet" and helps me sort out my life out. I have always enjoyed writing and use to write stories and poems more then I do now. But expressing myself on paper started on my mission then was forgotten then reminded of again a few years later when the guy I was with moved away and treated me badly. I would go to my parents house and tell my family how frustrated I was that he was treating me this way. My youngest brother at the time was a teenager and one time he piped up and said "According to Dr. Phil it is good to write your feelings down." I thought "screw you and Dr. Phil what does he know?" Well, I went home that night and 3 1/2 pages later I had written a letter to this person expressing my thoughts. Guess a teenage boy and Dr Phil did know something after all. lol Expressing my frustration the other day on paper was just what my soul needed and I want to THANK ALL OF YOU who expressed your encouragement to me during that hard moment and for a lil'bro who told me that all those years ago!
Thank you for being there and showing support. My cousin reminded me of a time when I was a "mom" to her and her 4 siblings for a month when I was a sophomore in college. Her dad was in an accident and Pocatello didn't have the equipment he needed to heal at that time so he and my aunt were here in Utah. For a month I got up extra early, made 5 lunches, got 5 kids ready for school, took them to school, went to my classes, went home and took care of my dieing grandpa, went to work, picked 5 kids up from school and cooked dinner for me and 5 kids, went to bed and repeated the day over. Many nights we got thru that month with cookies, milk and dancing around the house listening to Dixie Chicks! "Cowboy Take Me Away" and "Earl Just Gotta Die" is sometimes the perfect solution! (I really need to find a copy of that CD again. Mine got burned up in the house fire) Thank you for reminding me that we can all get over hard moments!
A friend reminded me when she showed up at 9:30pm with banana bread that talking and laughing until 12:30am is also another great outlet. Most of you know I am a talker and you probably wish I wouldn't word vomit on you so much :) but thank you for reminding me to laugh over the craziness that life hands us sometimes and for just being there for me in the moment I needed someone the most.
And then I was reminded of the simple phrase "God is in control" and really he is! Life isn't perfect and we all face bumps in the road. But whatever happens in life we have to remember to remember him. He knows our lives better then we do and he can see our future even tho we can't and he won't leave us comfortless. He is up there guiding us thru these hardships so he can shape us into better people and into a more delightsome people. God wants us to be happy in the journey of life and to seek the positives out there.
Thank you to those of you who reminded me of my project and the importance of it and for being patient with me thru a hard day. I am so grateful for the support I have and that others want me to succeed as well. I am grateful I was able to express my frustration then bounce back! This week has been great so far! I have been all smiles again and its a genuine smile. So far this week there is no faking it :) This week it has just been me, and me being real! :)
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