Chuggin Along

So I thought I would take a quick minute and give an up close and personal update on my project. First off this project has forced me to be more open for reals man!!! I haven't written this much in ages. I use to write all the time but not about ME!!!!!! But the past few months I have written so much. Talk about leavin' the comfort zone! But its good! I've been forcing myself to really evaluate the goods and the bads the ups and the downs of my life!

The project has been happenin' now for about 2 1/2 months! Smiling doesn't exhaust me quite as much! Seriously, if you still won't take the perma-grin challenge for 24-7 you SO NEED TO! :)  But I would smile so much I would end up yawning. Ya try smiling and yawning at the same time um... can I say HILARIOUS!!My cheeks don't hurt as much and pretty much it has become my new favorite workout! By the time I have accomplished this task I will have cheeks of steel baby!!!! Smiling is becoming more natural but I'm not quite there. People still seem to take pictures when I don't notice and even tho I feel happy and content my face doesn't always show it. If you're happy and you know then face will surely show it right?? So I gots to keep remembering the smile. But for the majority of the day I have noticed the smile and some times the really cool part I find myself smiling without realizing I was doing it! Awesome right?!?

Stuff still bothers me. I'm workin on it. You know those amazing people who let things totally fall off their shoulders. Like nothing in life can phase them? My goal one day! BUT.... even tho things bother me still; I find myself getting over it quicker! It doesn't dwell in the mind set "life is so hard and this makes it ten times worse" phase. I quickly find ways to get over it. I turn to my support system, I talk, a couple of times I've cried, I usually find a way to laugh, I pray like there is no tomorrow, I read something spiritual or uplifting, and then before you know it I'm all good again. Its so strange. A few weeks ago I had a really crappy week but I started Monday fresh and ready to go. I was talkin to the mom that day and she was like "Hey hon, how are you today?" And without realizing I exclaimed, "I'm great!" She was a little taken back because just a few days earlier I was ready to throw in the towel and not even try anymore but it is so great how quickly I am jumping back from set backs! Hopefully soon tho things won't bother me at all.

When  I feel good about me, I want that feeling shown in all aspects of my life. Last Saturday was like a "duh" moment in my life. I hiked a little over 5 1/2 miles and I felt fantastic afterwards. So I came home and really deep cleaned my house. It has been said the cleaner your home the more inviting of the Spirit and good vibes. With my insanely busy schedule I have been trying to keep up on the house but I seriously cleaned this time and rearranged the kitchen. It is just so much more inviting and I opened the blinds to the sunshine and the house appeared more inviting and I realized the happier I am the more inviting of a person I can be as well! Saturday was a great day! Music blaring, I was energized, and the smile never left my face that day!

Increasing my spiritual health has been big for me. I mentioned previously I took a challenge to read the Book of Mormon in two months. Now I know not everyone who reads this is into something like this, but seriously whatever it is that brings a spiritual awareness into your life GO FOR IT! For me reading this book of scripture was HUGE! I seriously applied so much of what I was reading to what I was currently going thru! I craved for the next moment to read. I finished on Monday this week and Tuesday felt like a serious let down. Don't know how to explain it but it was weird. I had to find something else spiritual to read. and soon I will start reading the Book of Mormon again.

So I feel more energized then I have in a long time even with the most insane schedule known to man right now. I am seriously hopping from one thing to the next without a breather but I'm doing it and its great! I have the desire to better myself physically, spiritually, mentally, financially, and emotionally. A good friend last fall encouraged me to set my finances straight. I am so grateful for his counsel and I have been doing what I can to be on top again. I am poorer then snot and some days I wonder if I will make it until the next paycheck but I am starting to see small glimpses of success. Some things are getting paid off and this extremely heavy burden is slightly lighter. Can't wait until its all gone. I am so thankful for this second job and for the ability to budget and put it into practice.

As I mentioned before laughter has become a huge part of me. Is it sad that I haven't always laughed in life? YES IT IS!!!!! I am so happy this is coming back! But laughter comes at odd times every once in awhile. One time my friend Joelle nudged me at church when some dude was talking from the pulpit and it was all I could do from looking at her because I know we were both thinking the same thing and it was all I could do from laughing! Random funny things pop into my head all the time now. I sit in meetings at church or work and my mind thinks of something funny that has happened in the past couple of months and I want to laugh. But most people don't get my sense of humor so I stifle my laughter into a huge smile until I can let it all out. They say laughter is the best medicine and in a lot of ways it is so true! I feel sorry for those people who won't smile in life, or complain so much about how hard life is,or who take things way to serious, and think everyone is out to get them. We always need to find positives in life and if you truly seek it you will find more then you ever thought was possible. There are so many positives in my life and I am saddened that I let the negatives of life consume me so much. Even during stressful moments you need to find something good. The last few days have brought stress again from work but last night I wasn't going to let it affect me so during my planning meeting with my youth I kneeled on a chair with wheels and scooted up and down the aisle. At first they all thought I was weird but I told them this was their meeting and I wanted them to plan an awesome activity for our next event and that I would do all I could to make it happen. The more they watched me the more they laughed then they relaxed then they started talking and they developed one of their coolest ideas ever! I'm so excited to do what I can to make it work!

Is life perfect? No still not! But I'm working on it and that is all that matters. Sometimes in the quietness of the night or the quietness of the early morning I still feel lonely. I feel lonely for someone to be at my side and to share my deepest thoughts with. Some one who will share in bringing the smile and the laughter. Someone who fully gets me on a level that doesn't need to be explained to others. But I would rather take my perma-grins and bouts of laughter and small moments of loneliness over being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship and being miserable while in it. I still don't understand why unhappy people will live in their misery instead of making a change. But those of you who are in happy relationships and I see it daily thank you for reminding me that it can happen and possibly one day it will happen for me! I am grateful through all these examples and hope to follow these examples in a solid secure relationship one day.

But if it happens or not, that is not solely where happiness comes from. Happiness in life and with yourself comes from within you, within your soul, within your own desire to be a change. Happiness comes from you wanting to be happy, wanting to seek a better state of well being for yourself. Happiness comes from putting one foot in front of the other each day with determination and faith that you will come out on top. Happiness doesn't come from seeking to always being on top always being in the light and in the process putting others down so you feel good and powerful. True happiness doesn't come from a certain status in life or from how many times people praise you for something you did. True happiness comes from realizing you have so much to offer, realizing its the little things around you that are important, it comes from cultivating your friendships and above all it comes from never giving up and realizing the only person you need to change in life to become truly happy is yourself! :) If others accept your change and are willing to embrace it then embrace them fully. If not, if they can't accept it then don't let them hinder your progress and your smile. Above all never give up on what you want most in life cause you are worth all of it to obtain that true and everlasting happiness in life! :)