$50 social experiment

If you know me you know that I usually look forward to the next service opportunity. Combine it with Christmas and I am usually a pretty happy girl! Well this year I heard about a service opportunity from some friends in connection with Christmas and you would think this is perfect! Well sad to admit at first I didn't like how the service opportunity was set up and much to my surprise I even vocalized it. This is quite strange for me but for some reason I was bothered. I had mentioned my thoughts to a friend of mine and they responded, "Your points are completely validated and I almost voiced them as well but then something told me it would all be ok."

I thought about what my friend said every so often over the past month. Then I went to work one day and we had a Christmas party. During the party we exchanged $5 gifts where you pick a number open the present and the next person can choose to take the present or unwrap a new gift. Well one of the ladies opened a gift and as part of her gift was a $50 bill. We were all so shocked and everyone thought it must have been put in there by mistake. Finally one person spoke up and said the money was real and it was not put in there by mistake. They wanted to see how we would react. Once we found out it was real I thought what a blessing it was to come to the lady who opened it. She is going thru a divorce and has three little boys. Then it was taken from her and I thought well maybe the next person who is single is struggling and could use the money. Then it was taken from that person and I thought well maybe this person with 4 little girls could really use it.

That night I met my mom and some of her friends in Salt Lake and I told them of the experience at work and how I had different emotions with each person getting the money and I hoped it was truly a blessing in their lives. Then my mom turned to me and said, "Would you have taken the $50 away from the first person?" And I said, "Wow! Honestly this year that is a hard call. You have taught me differently and you would have wanted me to let someone else who maybe less fortunate to end up with it. Either of those 3 probably needed it. But at the same time I thought that could go towards my surgery or car or tooth. But one thing for sure I wish I was in a situation where I could give $50 and not bat an eye about it" Then we walked over to the Christmas Concert and I had the most amazing experience. During the concert as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was singing they brought out Tom Brokaw who spoke of a young man in the war during Wold War II who would drop candy to little children from his plane. Then much to our surprise the man appeared on the stage and we heard from the 92 year old man. He said, "My parents have always taught me to give. They said it was better to give then receive. He then said I live my life like it taught in the book Mans Search for Happiness... truest form of happiness in life is in giving service to others"

His words struck a chord within my soul because I was struggling this year to find true happiness at Christmas time. I love Christmas, I love giving presents, I love being with family but around this time of joy and happiness is when I am reminded once again that I am alone. Yes, I have amazing friends and family but its not the same as seeing everyone with their spouse and or children. So this year I have been trying to find out what truly makes me happy. That night I knew I needed to donate to the service opportunity. After the conversation with my mom and hearing this story it truly touched me. Sadly I did not have $50 to spare but I did have some and that weekend I got a hold of the person in charge and asked them to buy extras or fulfill something that was missing with the money I gave them. It felt wonderful knowing I was helping to give another a better Christmas then they otherwise would have had.

I then started to think about what else helps me see Christmas differently. Also this month I and some other people I go to church with took the youth in our ward to see the lights on Temple Square. This was a first for some of the youth and it was really exciting. I got to walk thru and see the lights with a little 6 year old girl. To see the nativity scene and the lights from her perspective had started to change my perspective. To see her excitement over something so simple that I think some people take for granted helped me to also see that no matter our circumstances Christmas can be the happiest time of the year.

As the day has drawn closer my feelings have yo-yo'd. Seeing the excitement of friends and lil' childrens open their gifts was priceless. Helping the nieces and nephews with their Christmas crafts and baking goodies with them today was priceless. Then we were sitting around the family room tonight listening to my dad read the Christmas story and I looked up to see my stocking hanging alone all by itself. Then I saw the other stockings around the room in groups of families then I looked around the room and saw everyone sitting next to spouses and or their children. All content and happy with one another on this blessed Christmas Eve. For a split moment I felt a tinge sadness a tinge of loneliness. Then I looked down to see 6 month old baby Evan fast asleep in my arms and as he snuggled closer to me I remembered the experience of the Temple Square lights, the experience of participating in the service project, the joys and excitements of friends receiving their gifts and then I thought of the excitement I will feel tomorrow to give my gifts to my family. Then I thought about my Savior and the greatest gift he has given me.

My life isn't ideal. It isn't perfect. But the Savior knew that long ago and knew that I would struggle with these feelings every once in awhile especially when it should be a time of joyous occasion. He suffered those feelings I feel every once in awhile so that he could also give me these experiences when I need them most to remind me that he cares and that he has never forsaken me.

As a held that tender little babe in my arms tonight, I wondered how Mary felt holding the Savior in her arms and I was reminded how blessed I am. I have great opportunities to serve others. God has blessed me with AMAZING friends who constantly open up their hearts and arms to me. And even tho I have one of the craziest families :) I have been blessed with one who I can always be a part of. So even tho there might be tinges of sadness when there should always be joy I know I will always be comforted and I think my friend was right to say it will all be okay. For me at this moment as I am about to head to bed for a couple of hours of sleep before the lil ones come wake me up to see what Santa has brought them it is all okay for I have felt the true meaning of Christmas!