It was said by the leaders that our lives are compared to an iceberg. Just like the iceberg people really only know 10% of who we really are and there is another 90% that stays hidden from the world. Why is that one might ask. It was said because we grow up in societal norms and labels and so by society standards we conform to those labels by default. For example in general when you think of a man you think Strong, Macho, In Control and if they are show anything different like emotion then are are considered weak and cowardly and looked down upon. Women for example are suppose to be sweet and dainty. Feminine like but not a pushover. Show emotions but not too much because that is bad. So we tend to hide our true colors, our true selves, our true emotions, and our true identity on the fear of what society or others around us might say. Even the people closest to us who may know "everything" about us don't always know "everything" about us. We did multiple activities throughout the day and one activity that hit home with me was "If you really knew me you would know......" We were in small groups after the leaders opened up about themselves to do this activity. Leaders and teenagers. There were some groups that were very emotional at the chance to finally say whats been on their mind. We were challenged that day to speak up and let people know who we truly are. So with some fear and hesitancy I am taking on the challenge. I pray that whoever might read this will do so without judgment and then maybe they as well, will turn around and take the challenge!
IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW................
- I love chocolate with almonds
- I want to travel to Europe but specifically Italy
- I struggle with the "love" of running but I won't give up because I want to find that "love"
- I love long hot showers which could lead to why I also love hot tubs and hot pools
-I love music and feel it has a profound effect on our lives
- I can relate most any song to something that has happened in my life
- that I am one of those hard core Mormons. I am not perfect and I make plenty of mistakes but the core principles of this gospel I believe in whole heartily
- that even if I may disagree with something you do or a way you choose to live your life doesn't mean I think any less of you. I still love and appreciate and admire you for the person you are
- that I love adventure and yearn for a companion who has the same zest for adventure
-that I am freakin scared of heights but depending on the challenge I could be somewhere high to prove I can do that
- that even with the above statement said, you will probably never find me on a roller coaster or in a situation where I am upside down or free falling
- that growing up as an only girl had its challenges. There were and are many times I felt and feel alone and the odd ball out
- that I wish I had a closer relationship with my father and that he would share his knowledge of things with me especially his scriptural knowledge.
-that right now in my life that best title is "Aunt" and I love playing with and spoiling the little kiddos
-that love peanut butter and banana sandwiches
- that I love road trips
-that I want to visit Southern California specifically San Diego some day
-that I would like to ride on the back of a motorcycle through the canyon
-that even tho I am close to my mom I wish we were closer and could communicate better with her
-that I wish I communicated better with my whole family
-that sometimes I feel as if I am the only one my age in my situation holding on to what is right and true and holding out for what I know will be the ultimate and best thing for me
-that sometimes I feel like a failure or a loser because I am not married or have children yet
-that I can practically quote "With out a Paddle" the movie phrase by phrase
-that I love the ultimate chick flick but loved to be "freaked out" as well from a movie
-that I believe ice cream should be a staple in every ones diet
- that many times I don't feel trusted or believed because I don't have the same credentials or have not done something the same way that it has been done before by everyone else
-that it really hurts me when I am not believed and that I usually end up being right
-that I usually feel like the "convenience" friend. What can I benefit out of Sarah? but that I rarely feel a mutual give and take with others
-that last year I can honestly say that I suffered a broken heart and the pain was so deep that it affected me emotionally, mentally, and to an extent physically
-that watching him lie to my face as I attempted to give him the benefit of the doubt almost hurt as bad as the broken heart
-that I know my heart will never be the same but that I am bouncing back and each day I have become stronger
-that there are days when I still have "moments" of regressions to the pain and hurt but that they are just moments
-that I have gone on an amazing yes I can finally say amazing journey this past year of rediscovering who I am and what my worth is and that I now know I am worth something far more greater then I allowed myself to believe or that he led me to believe
-that it really hurts when I give all that have to the ones I care about the most but it hurts deeply when its taken advantage of
-that I love the temples that my church has built and that I feel it an honor and a privilege to work inside them and that I never want to be in a place or situation that will refrain me from entering in those doors
-that it bothers me when others don't respect that belief of mine
-that even though I am bouncing back from the pain and heartache and feelings of brokenness and although new relationships are not working out either that I still have the belief that one day one will and it will be better than I can even imagine right now
-that I love to read and could spend all day in the sun on a warm day or all day wrapped in blanket on a cold day if I had the time
-that I prefer warmth to cold any day
-that out of all our senses that touch is my most sensitive one
-that I love to cuddle, and that I love back massages
-that a secret wish of mine has always been to have flowers sent to my office by a special someone someday who feels I mean the most to him as I know he will feel to me
-that I hate when people lie to me and that I wish they understood that I am pretty good at figuring out when people lie to me and that I would just prefer the truth. As said before I wish I was better at communicating but its something I am learning to do and not holding back my thoughts but seeing them lie over and over brings on feeling of ache and mistrust
-that I am really bothered when people walk away with no explanation or give the "silent treatment" then being a true human and speak what they feel
-that Captain Crunch is my all time favorite cereal then closely followed by coca puffs :)
-that even though some people think my LDS mission was all "hard moments" or that I missed my "chance" on opportunities that I don't regret one minute of it. Yes it was hard but it was also just as wonderful and I wouldn't trade those experiences or the people I met for anything.
-that I believe the willingness to stand up and face someone in the eye and say "I'm Sorry" for the wrong they have done you can be some of the most tender moments and wish it happened more than the walking away and the silent treatment
-that its frustrating when people try to tell you that they know "whats best" for you and it turns into a lecture of how they think I need to live my life
-that its really hard to find someone who is just willing to listen in the moment that I need it the most
-that I don't believe every trial that I have gone thru that I was suppose to endure it, and the pain associated with it so that I could learn something better or significant from it but that because of these trials brought on by actions of others I have seen God's hand more fully in my life and that he always had a plan for me and that he knew all along that the through the choices and free agency of others that my path would go one way or another and he had people and things prepared along the path of both roads to help me in the moments I needed it the most
- that one of my biggest weaknesses is comparing myself to others
-that I have a love for the outdoors and the serenity from it and love the peace I feel being in the mountains whether its snow shoeing, hiking, or camping
-that I think waterfalls are majestic
-that because of what has happened in my life and because of what I have seen that I have somewhat of a jaded perspective on situations and not always happy that I have this perception
-that there are people in this life who daily set an example for me and they don't even know it and I wish I could express it without feeling weird for doing so because we don't talk daily. From the way they raise their children to their outlook on life to the intuitive nature to care for others. This is the type of person I want to become.
-that I love to sing my loudest and in the worst way possible when I am in the car with others just to see how long they can go with out laughing
-that I love LAUGHTER and wish there was more of it in my life
-that I love my family dearly even though communication is not always there and that I cherish any moments with them
-that I look forward to the family moments around my parents kitchen table whenever I go home because you never know what will be said
-that if I open up to you it means that I trust you but if you hurt me or cause that trust to be broken that the wall around my heart and soul instantly goes back up and its hard for you to get back to the spot you once had with me
-that I want to live my life in service and if I had the money I would spend my days teaching those less fortunate then myself and teaching them to believe in themselves and that they can truly make a difference in their lives
- that I don't understand why I am the one that people think they can say the most hurtful things to and about and that many people have used me to tear down and ridicule instead of facing their own problems they were going through
-that I can't sing to save my life but that I love to belt out songs as loud as I can and make up crazy dance moves when I'm alone in the car or the house because that is when I feel the most confident about myself
-that I know this life is not easy and things may continue to always happen as this list describes but that I also know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and I learned especially more fully this past year that he knows me personally and that he is the one sure constant in my life
- and finally that even though I have my inadequacies, and my fears, and my doubts,and times of deep despair and being broken in every way possible that God is not only a loving God but a just God and I truly believe as it was recently told to me that God compensates and that in the end even if no one ever really takes the time to "really" get to know me that God knows and in the end that is all that really matters!
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