MOVING!!!!

My sweet lil' Sis is leaving for her mission next week. She flies out to Brasil on Tuesday. It seemed when she got her call that the end of July was SO far away and now before we know it the time has come and in just a few short days she will leave on a jet plane.

I remember when her brother came home from his mission a few months ago and a few of us exclaimed "Wow, that was fast! Time has sure flown" "Did two years really pass us by?" After those comments I thought about how quickly time flies and I wondered What have I done in the last two years?

In those two years he was gone I:

1. Moved again (surprise surprise) haha and this time back to Orem. Not to far from where I started my Utah journey 6 years ago. I have practically done a full circle but I think I am content for a minute. This place feels more like a home than all of the other places. I live closer to my dearest and longest friend I have had since moving to Utah and I couldn't ask for better neighbors. We have become such good friends and they take such good care of me and they feed me lol :)

2. I switched jobs. I went from one area at the Health Department that I had become very comfortable with to another department. It has been quite the change. Very challenging job yet I have learned a lot and I have come to love what I do.

3. Switched wards in my LDS church. Some people think no biggie and usually its not but this time not only did I switch wards but I moved into a ward that is primarily married people. Before I attended church with people who were single like myself. This has been quite the change but I have been blessed to have met some great people who continue to make me feel welcome in a potentially awkward situation.

4. I hiked over a crazy mountain terrain, I ran the dirtiest run ever, and many other races as well.

5. With my new job I finally became certified in what I do after all these years. That is actually a big deal and really needed in my profession.

6. I received a calling at church that I never imagined I would receive ever. It has been challenging as well but I have come to love what I do and who I associate with. I learn from these sweet individuals daily.

7. I opened myself up 4 different times for potential relationships. None of them went anywhere and that's ok. But what I liked about this realization is that I reminded myself I am trying and I am putting myself out there. There are times I get down on myself and know I need to do more in meeting people. Even though I know I need to try harder I am proud of myself that in 2 years I had 4 potential relationships. It's better than the rate I thought I was going.

8. I welcomed another adorable lil nephew into my family and I became an adopted auntie to a few more cute lil babes.

I am sure there are more significant changes in my life but I guess the point I am making is that life doesn't sit still. It continues to move and we have the opportunity to move with it or be stagnant. I have met so many people who just choose to live life vicariously and not make take the opportunity to change and grow and become better.

She will be gone for a year and half and I think wow, that is going to be a long time! But, really is it? There is so much that could happen in a year and a half if I allow myself to be moved and to grow and to be challenged and molded. I already know there will be some significant changes coming up in my near future and I am SO excited to see where this path will take me.

Time flies and we need to take advantage of every moment we have available. I have changed so much in the last two years due to changes in my life and I am so very grateful for these changes. I am so grateful that I haven't chosen to live stagnant and that I have been molded and taught so many valuable lessons.

I know the future hold so much more for me as well. Maybe I'll move literally (but no plans of it yet), maybe I will run further than I have ever run yet, maybe I will welcome some more cute babes that I can spoil, and maybe a future relationship will turn into something more than just a potential. But whatever it is I know I need to embrace life and my new adventure and allow it to continue to change me into the person I have the potential to become.

For in doing this, that is where true happiness lies. I am excited to write another post in 18 months and see just where life has taken me, what I am accomplishing, and more importantly what I have learned through this journey called life! :)



THE JOURNEY

Where are you going?

What do you hope to accomplish?

Are you doing any good at what you are doing?

Are you making a difference in the world?

Are you happy with your decisions?

 

We all have a journey to take in this lifetime. We all travel a different one though I think we generally want to be on the same one doing the same thing: doing good in the world.

This past week I learned a lot about journeys and destinations and reaching our end goal. The Wizard of Oz was referenced quite a bit this week as we sought out to discover for ourselves the road we were on and if we needed to make detours to be on the path we wanted to be on.

The path looks clear and easy but anyone who knows the movie knows it wasn't the easiest path to get to her destination. As I pondered this week about my path and the improvements I want to make on my path I discovered a few different things.

#1: Believe in Yourself- Believe that you can make a difference in yourself and in the world. Believe that you have the power to change your situation in life and believe that the future is bright as you put forth your effort to see the changes. I know I want a brighter happier future for myself and I also know it won't be an easy task to get there. But I do know if I hide behind fears and doubts then I will stay stuck in the same place with no progression in life.

#2: Positive Attitude- This has been a task I have been working at a lot lately and I know I am not perfect at it. But I discovered in more depth this week that the more you find the negative in something the more miserable you will seem to be. Since there will be bumps in our journey we will need to learn to roll with the punches and find something positive out of the situation. This past week demonstrated feelings of loss, feelings of insecurities, and feelings of not belonging. Even though those feelings were there I challenged myself to look beyond the uneasiness and to find the positives that were present. Each day I named off all the positives surrounding me and through that I had an excellent week. I had the opportunity to meet some great people, I enjoyed sunshine, rain, mountains, good food, and felt the Spirit numerous times throughout the week. There were bumps along the way but as I reacted positively to those bumps I was taught many valuable lessons that in turn are helping me discover new qualities and desires from within.

#3: Support System- Realizing the need of support in life is HUGE! Seeing the encouragement from others as you make changes in your life is the greatest feeling ever. I have been on a self improvement kick since January and I have loved and appreciated everyone who has stood behind me through it all. There have been amazing people who have prayed for me and have cheered me on and have sent encouraging text messages. This past week as I thought about their excitement and their encouragement it has helped me realize that I want more fulfillment on my journey through life and having them behind me has helped me find encouragement along my journey.

Just as Dorthy needed people along her journey to help her find her way, so do we. Yes, there is a lot I feel I can do on my own but it would be a sad world if I didn't have someone who believed in me as well.

Our journey in life isn't easy. I don't think it was meant to be easy. If life was easy what would we gain from it? Would we grow? Would we move forward? Would we prosper? Probably not. As we endure hard things with a positive outlook we will grow and the blessings from hard moments are so much sweeter. I look over my life and I know things happen for a reason and some times it is to move us in a direction that maybe our fears and insecurities are holding us back from going after. I was reminded this week that we are our hardest critics because we are so afraid of failure. But because we are so afraid of failure we don't give ourselves enough credit to go after something new, something challenging, something that could even be rewarding. We set ourselves up for failure before ever giving an idea a chance and in the end stop our journey from moving forward. It is time to believe in ourselves, reach for dreams, and know that in the end we will make it to our destiny on the journey of life and that this destiny will be the most rewarding thing of all because we believed in ourselves enough to make it happen.

 



WARNING: PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION!!!!!!!

In life is there such thing as being to cautious? Can it hinder our progression? I have always been a person who is cautious about a lot of things in life. I also have a very imaginative imagination therefore I foresee what could happen and of course I see the worst thing that could happen. When I was younger I would some times find myself angry with myself because I couldn't bring myself to do the daring things that my brothers would do. They seemed so fearless and therefore in my eyes the coolest guys around and I was just their dumb scaredy cat sister who wouldn't allow herself to do anything. My conscience in a lot of ways would take over than I would imagine the worst possible outcome and I would be paralyzed with fear.

As I got older I think I gained a little bit more confidence in myself and courage to be a little bit braver. I came out of my shell a little more and convinced myself that I could do some of the things I was terrified of. A lot of it was from the encouragement I had at my side. I remember when I was a youth my older brother and his friend (who I was majorly crushing on at the time) offered to take all of us girls repelling. I was so stoked to go while all the other girls thought it was dumb. I talked it up for weeks, getting all the girls excited then the moment arrived. I was up at the top of the rock with my brother's friend all harnessed and ready to go and I froze. I was paralyzed by fright and thought there is no way I could do this. Even though there were other girls ready to go, he sat by me forever coaxing me and encouraging me to do it. He slowly convinced me to turn around with the sincerest statement that he had me securely locked into the rope and to just look up in his eyes the whole time and that I would make it down the mountain. Of course I was later teased that it only took me looking dreamily into his eyes that got me down since I was crushing on him so much lol But it was more than that. My mom stood at the bottom through the entire process cheering me on and telling me to do it. She never once moved from her spot. She cheered me the whole way down the rock and being the wise mother that she is as soon as I was down and even though I was shaking she made me get right back up there and go down again. She knew I needed to do it twice to prove to myself that I could repel down the mountain.

Through out life I got braver and braver in certain areas and kept branching out of my little shell. But as I also got older I experienced another thing: PAIN!!! And by pain, I mean pain of all kinds. A few years ago one day my big toe of all things randomly started to hurt. I didn't think much about it until fall rolled around and I was limping pretty bad and finally decided to have it checked out. This finally proceeded in having 3 foot surgeries in 2 years. However, when I had that first foot surgery I woke up from the surgery and I wasn't numb like I should have been. That first step down was the worst most excruciating pain that I have EVER experienced. I have never in my life felt pain like that before. (Thankfully the next 2 surgeries were better) But because of that experience I am somewhat paralyzed by fear and extremely cautious because I don't want to have that pain again. I still to this day can't bring myself to jump off the back of a truck. I have to sit down and scoot myself until I touch the ground. When I participated in the dirty dash last year and everyone jumped off the bales of hay I cautiously scooted down. In January I took the youth ice skating and I was surprised how cautious I was about moving around and worried I would trip and hurt my foot. Everyone else assumed I was scared of ice skating but little did they know, I use to ice skate all the time when I was younger. This week a friend of mine asked me to go hiking with her and another one of her friends and we hiked straight up the water over slick rocks to get to the waterfall. The end result was beautiful and breath taking. They moved up there so fast but to my surprise I was SO cautious and it took me a lot longer to get up there and to get back down. The whole time I had a fear of slipping on the wet rocks and hurting my feet and experiencing that pain again. I felt so bad that they had to wait on me at the top and at the bottom but I could not get my body to move any faster than it was.

Not only have a experienced physical pain but over the years I have experienced emotional pain as well. With that pain sadly comes the lack of trust. Lack of trust in myself and lack of trust in others. It is easier to stick to what is familiar rather than the fear of pain and mistrust again right? This is something that I struggle with so much and hope to one day master overcoming. Developing not only trust but faith in the assured knowledge that all will be alright in the end. This weekend I was with youth again and I asked them to take on a very daunting task. Thinking back on it, I wonder how I would have done in their situation and my heart swells in pride for each of them. I asked them each to be blindfolded and they were blindly led up a mountain side and then back down. This was not a clear smooth path. There were twigs and logs and branches in the way. Some of the time there was a rope if they trusted the person guiding them to hold on to it. Of course there was also someone telling them to go in a different direction as well. I know how cautious I am walking up and down things not blindfolded that could have potentially hurt my feet and for them to surrender to complete trust in someone else was amazing and they taught me so much by watching them.

So this morning as I ponder fear and being cautious vs being fearless and having complete trust I wonder where is the happy medium of having faith and trust knowing all will work out and distinguishing between our conscience guiding us and not hindering us from progressing.

I ponder: Where is my confidence that I can accomplish good things? Where is my confidence in knowing that I will be led down the correct path for myself and that as I pray to a loving Heavenly Father that he won't leave me stranded but that he will let me know what is right and wrong? Where is my faith that not every guy I will meet will break my heart? Where is the faith that people I meet will not always take advantage of my friendship for their gain then ditch me when I no longer am of service towards them? Where is my faith that I won't always be the "go to girl" to those individuals who are struggling in their own relationships and when they finally figure things out and they leave me in the dust? Where is my ability to simply trust again? Where is my ability to see beyond physical and emotional pain and recognize there is good amongst it all and that there won't always be disappointments?

The thing that comes to my mind the most is Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lead not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path" This I believe to be so true. I also know its something I need to more conientously focus on in my life. I know as I learn to trust and believe more in faith and develop courage to move forward to take steps in the dark at times that my trust and faith will trump some of these fears. I know pain is necessary but I know that pain is also temporary as well. I will develop the assurdity that I can trust again in the unknown. That my heart won't always get broken, that I won't always be taken advantage of for others gains, that I can have the confidence in myself to do what I want and what the Lord knows is right for me. And in the end I won't be always proceeding with caution but eventually I can say WARNING: PROCEEDING WITH FAITH AND TRUST IN ALL THINGS! :)